We've had some wild birthday parties in our day—you should have seen the dessert we ordered at the Cheesecake Factory for our Sweet 16—but nothing we've done could compare to the bizarre decadence of 2 Chainz' birthday party in the new "Birthday Song" video.

A brief rundown of 2 Chainz' party-planning needs:

  • Numerous voluptuous women, some of whom even have faces
  • Another woman literally placed on a table and served as cake
  • More cake, this time in the shape of a thong-clad derriere
  • Multiple clones of himself, or teleportation devices (it's unclear)
  • Middle-aged Pakistani men, preferably drunk
  • A lap dance assembly line
  • A grill
  • A contortionist in jorts
  • Surly children
  • A gang of hipsters brutally assaulting a clown
  • Balloons
  • Kanye West talking about threesomes
  • A Slip N' Slide

But of course, as the song tells us, 2 Chainz really only wants one thing for his birthday. He's a man of simple pleasures.