WOAH! What a night to be a contestant on The Bachelor.
If you are Juan Pablo, you're crying. If you are Sharleen, you're crying.
If you are Renee, or Chelsie, you are crying softly and mostly off-camera. And If you are Clare or Nikki, you are having what I think might be the worst girl-fight in the history of reality television.
Honestly. So much genuine tension between these two contestants, they really have enough fodder for an all-out kicking screaming bitch fight. If you're going to go on a reality show as whack as The Bachelor, why not be ready to leave all your dignity at the door, am I right? Which is what Sharleen tried to do originally, I think, but couldn't go through with this nonsense.
Tonight Sharleen decides to tell Juan Pablo, essentially, that she cannot imagine being engaged to a dodo like him. Tru. Life. Dramatics at work. Quote time:
"Being in Miami... where his family is, where his parents. are... it definitely makes this more real. "
Who said it: Andi
Why she said it: Everybody is in Juan Pablo's "hometown" (probably not the best moment in time for a trip to Venezuela) to (maybe, if they are lucky) meet his parents! And Camila! And his ex-wife! What?
Why he said it: Our first hint of the night that Sharleen is out of Juan Pablo's league.
Why she said it: I feel bad for Renee! Since Renee very rarely gets JP love, it's difficult for her to imagine getting A LOT of his love and wanting to throw it all away.
Why she said it: Juan Pablo reveals where he is taking her on their date while they are in the flower shop, and this is her response, delivered in a manic way.
Why she said it: She just met JP's parents at Camila's dance recital (and also his ice queen ex-wife!) and is trying to process it all.
Why she said it: She met Camila, who said about two words to her and gave her a few hilariously skeptical looks, and is like, instantly in love with her since she is the spawn of the man she loves. VOMIT.
Why they said it: During lounge time, Sharleen comes down to the living room all dressed up because she plans to "break up" with Juan Pablo tonight, and it freaks the girls out because they're all in like yoga pants and shit. Is this a secret date?! What's happening?!
Why he said it: He's trying to be a gentleman and a good sport, even though he cries afterwards in the confessional! JP, are you for real?!
Why she said it: Because even if she is an assistant district attorney, she is a sucka for Juan Pablo.
Why she said it: Nikki and Clare just DON'T GET ALONG, okay?
Why they said it: Was this fight staged, or are these girls the wimpiest? After Nikki left a group conversation to retreat to her room, Clare followed her up to "confront" her because she felt disrespected. Instead of hashing out real problems about how there is obvious tension between the two of them because they are both very obviously two of Juan Pablo's favorites, they fought about whose room they were in and who belonged there. GIRLS, don't you know how to make good television?!?