What else is there to say? This season of The Voice, which has spent weeks to convolute its rules and cleverly let its dark horses rear up, coronated its longtime front-runner anyway in a victory for melisma and unsurprising poise.
But aside from being butthurt that our prediction was off (we did call the top two, though, not that it was difficult), we have no complaints. We're reserving those for Carson's continued sleepiness, as if he popped a few Unisoms an hour before the show, for the needless re-re-re-re-re-introductions to the much-introduced finalists, and for the duets. My God, the duets. Let's go over this, from worst to first:
- Vicci and Pat Monahan of Train: Alison Haislip! Last night, you truly proved your Twit-fu, having managed to somehow find the one Train fan on Twitter and lovingly provide the whole world with some dribbles of Jupiter. So in your honor, I will present my review of this duet via tweet!
- Beverly and Ryan Tedder: Anyone catch Carson pronouncing it "Teeder" first time around? Anyone else think Beverly pulled out her own Gokey Scream because A) she knew she wasn't gonna win so thought "fuck it, VOCAL OVERLOAD" and B) she was singing this under duress--at one point I swear she was shouting LA LA LA LA LA LA?
- Dia and Miranda Lambert: Pretty but pretty muted, even for the already-quiet "The House That Built Me." Dia's voice might have been a memory. But hey--with his wife in attendance, Blake was SOL even if he wanted to lech somehow.
- Javier and Stevie Nicks: OK, it was nigh-inevitable that the duet with Stevie Nicks would be the duet of the night, even if the sheer heft of "Landslide" and memories of its Glee puncturing brought the song down. But hey, Javier's got the vocal tenderness to pull it off
And that's it until the Super Bowl, at least until someone ambiguously macks on Dia and/or calls her a "character," or something wrinkles the charts, or the coaching panel implodes in a crisis of cash and beef. See you next year, folks!