It's been three whole days since we saw Spring Breakers, and our psyches have still not completely healed. The movie has consumed our lives. We are hearing neon. We are tasting Skrillex. When we look in the mirror, all we see is Franco.
In these newly spring-broken times, we have abandoned all our old religions and creeds to preach instead the Gospels of Selena, Vanessa, Ashley and Rachel. As part of our spiritual conversion, we have put together a short prayer book featuring selected quotations from the sacred text. We hope they bring as much grace and joy to your life as they have to ours:
FOR WHEN YOU'RE FACING A TASK THAT LOOKS IMPOSSIBLE TO ACHIEVE:
Let's just get that fucking cash and go on Spring Break. Pretend it's a video game.
FOR WHEN YOU'RE QUESTIONING YOUR OWN DESIRE FOR MATERIAL GOODS:
Seeing all this money makes my pussy wet.
FOR WHEN YOU ARE UNSURE OF YOUR OWN PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE:
We're gonna change the world, y'all. This is poetry in motion.
FOR WHEN YOU'RE PONDERING THE MEANING OF LIFE:
Bikinis and big booties, y'all. That's what life is about!
FOR WHEN YOU'RE FACED WITH TOO MUCH NEGATIVITY:
Why you acting 'spicious?
FOR WHEN YOU'RE FACED WITH AN UNCOOPERATIVE PARTNER:
If you want to go home, you can go home—but then you're going to be home.
FOR WHEN YOU RECEIVE UNDUE CRITICISM:
Some people say I've got to change. I'm all about stacking change!
FOR WHEN YOUR OPTIONS SEEM LIMITED:
I got shorts. Every fucking color.
FOR WHEN YOU NEED A HERO:
I got Scarface on repeat. Scarface on repeat. Constant, y'all!
FOR WHEN SOMEONE DOUBTS YOUR SEXUAL PROWESS:
Ain't a fucking bed, that's a fucking art piece.
FOR WHEN YOU GAZE UPON THE ACCUMULATED POSSESSIONS OF A LIFE WELL-LIVED:
Look at my shit! I got fucking nunchucks.
FOR WHEN YOU NEED TO PSYCH YOURSELF UP WITH A STAR WARS REFERENCE:
I'm the fucking Death Star up in that shit!
FOR WHEN YOU'VE GOT YOUR SEASONS CONFUSED:
Ho ho ho! Merry Spring motherfucking Break!
MORE SPRING BREAK WEEK!
Listen to ... our playlist of the best party jams ever!