Dating in the computer age—There's Tinder, Grindr, OkCupid, FarmersOnly, Clown Lovers, Craigslist Casual Encounters, Adult Friend Finder, Ashley Madison, Plenty Of Fish, JDate, Christian Mingle, BBW Cupid, FurryMate.....Fetster....Beer Passions...Cougar Life.....Match.com....Naturist Passions.....Cat Lovers Network....Singles With Allergies....the list is endless.
Each week, Popdust's intrepid reporter, Suzy McCoppin, goes deep undercover in order to guide you through the potentially murky waters of cyber lovin'.
Can you really swipe, click, match, wink your way to true love?
The Netherlands Pays For Disabled Citizens To Have Sex With Prostitutes
This week, we shine the spotlight on Pink Cupid....
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Site Slogan: Meet your lesbian match
Much like their male counterparts, lesbians love to share pictures of their genitals. Pink Cupid would be more appropriately called plenty of fish. Also, it was was the only site so far that asked me for my cup size .
Masturbating Woman Crashes Into Food Truck
Because of my bi -curious background, (see: college, liquid lesbianism) I felt that I could log on to Pink Cupid with a pretty clear conscience. I was not only a journalist, but a semi, or at least formerly, bi-curious lipstick.
Did you know that lesbians who aren't super femme, but yet not terribly butch are called Chapstick lesbians?
Female Masturbation Has A New Name
HOT TO NOT RATIO: 1 out of 14
BEST PICK UP LINE: "When I'm around you I can't think straight."
WORST PICK UP LINE: “I’ll kill just to make you smile, but in the end when you do smile… I’m the one dead because I fall so hard for ur smile every time."
Wait, what??!!
Holly Madison Playboy Expose—The Saddest, Grubbiest Highlights (Lowlights?!!)
NUMBER OF CORRESPONDENCES IN ONE WEEK: 30
HOTTEST GIRL:
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Aimy is not a conventional beauty, but she knows how to find a G-Spot...
Approach/Chat Up Line: Feeling so fly like a G-spot.
Conversation Skills/Rapport: Had a high, girlish voice and matching adorable giggle.
Florida Teen Took Selfies While Having Ruff Sex With Her Pit Bull
Closing Skills: Counter clockwise swirl
GIRL MY MOM WOULD WANT ME TO DATE:
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Only because no one would ever know…..
Approach/Chat Up Line: Boldly go where no man has gone before.
Conversational Skills/Rapport: Oozing with confidence, like a gangsta rapper
Woman Jailed For Having Loud Sex Back Out And At It Again
Closing Skills: Gets more pussy than you.
WEIRDEST GIRL:
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Is this the face Mel makes when she performs cunnilingus? That might hurt my feelings....
Approach/Chat Up Line: Let's a have a fun, summer fling!
Conversation Skills/Rapport: Mel is a sassy gal.
Coco Dishes On Sex With Ice T—Hint, It Involves High Heels, Toys And Pain
Closing Skills: Has a tongue but she’s afraid to use it
HELL TO THE NO GIRL:
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Ava would cut a bitch. Like every day, all day....
Approach/ Chat Up Line: I just want to be loved… is that so wrong?
Conversation Skills/Rapport: Maybe I should publish this under a pseudonym.
Closing Skills: She'll penetrate you, but not in a way that feels good.
Craziest American Sex Laws—Could Your Lasciviousness Land You In Jail?
BLOW BY BLOW DATE SUMMARY:
If I didn't know better, I would have assumed Lisa was an undercover reporter sent to dish on the fish. She was a really pretty blonde and the fact that I found this more threatening than alluring made me question all those tween girl on girl make outs I had back in the day.
She was also ultra feminine, in Balenciaga angle boots and skinny jeans and just gotten out of a long-term relationship with a fella.
After a few drinks at the gay Mecca that is The Abbey, we both confessed that our interest in the same sex would be confined to, at best, above the waist, but pink Cupid did not have an "above the waist lesbian" option.
Meet The Christian Swingers Who Claim God Uses Them To Spread His Word
This was never the way I planned, not my intention. I felt so brave drink in hand, lost my discretion.
Just kidding.
That's a Katy Perry lyric. I didn't kiss a girl, I didn’t get to taste her cherry Chapstick, but we did show each other our boobs in the bathroom.
SUMMARY:
I didn't really make for a good lesbian.
My hetero flirting relies heavily on banter and I felt severely handicapped with Lisa. Girls don't really banter with each other. It's either a mechanism for flirting or for male one-upmanship. With girls I tend to complain about my inner thighs, how high heels hurt my flat feet, and if Keagle exercises really work.
It's an all around Boner killer. But Lisa and I made plans to pick up dudes this weekend.
Check back on Popdust every Friday for an all new foray into the singles world…next week—AgeMatch.com….In the meantime, you can read past Adventures In Dating here
10: Halle Berry:
For years she’s managed to fly under the diva radar, but make no mistake, Berry is as bad as they come.
A) Silent Treatment Berry: The Oscar-winner reportedly paid almost $60,000 to have her cabinets re-stained and drew up a list of 'DON’Ts' for the workers in her house. No one was allowed to approach her under any circumstances. Then, she allegedly demanded the workers not to speak to her, and if she were to address them, only then they might answer her.
B) Nightmare Berry: The actress has been accused of making everyone “miserable” on the set of her new show Extant with her diva antics.
C) Mean Berry: An insider alleges, “Contrary to public perception Halle has a particularly nasty temper, and she can be really controlling and vindictive!”
9: Reese Witherspoon:
America’s sweetheart my ass. Reese loves to whip out the legal bat and start swinging.
A) “Don’t You Know Who I Am” Witherspoon—In 2013, Reese was arrested alongside her husband Jim Toth, who was pulled over for reckless driving. When Witherspoon refused to stay seated, she antagonized the cop by saying things like, "Do you know my name? ... You’re about to find out who I am ... You are going to be on national news."
B) Litigious Witherspoon—In 2005, she sued the author of this here Popdust article for saying she was pregnant. But she really did look pregnant!
C) Even Litigious Witherspoon—The 37-year-old actress filed suit against Marketing Advantages International and its jewelry website Emitations.com over advertisements that included her image.
8: Jamie Lynn Spears: Britney’s little sister will open up a can of Louisiana whup-ass on anyone who doesn’t come correct.
A) Vigilante Spears—Earlier this month, a fight broke out between a bunch of burly drunken men in a Louisiana sandwich shop. After pulling her friend to safety, Jamie Lynn broke up the fight by jumping behind the counter, grabbing a 12-inch serrated blade, and waving it in the air like she was gonna f%^& some s^&% up.
B) Bodyguard Spears—When a disgruntled Bel Air resident screamed in big sister Britney’s face that she wasn’t wanted in the neighborhood, Jamie stepped up. She got about an inch from the woman’s face and screamed so loud it blew her Balayaged bangs clean off her face.
C) Wind-Beneath-My-Wings Spears—When Britney was having her infamous 2007 head-shaving meltdown, Jamie Lynn was her sister’s rock, and stood by her side when everyone else let her down.
7: Gwyneth Paltrow: Quote, “For years, Gwyneth has rubbed many in and out of the business the wrong way.” Maybe because she says shit like this:
A) Snobby Paltrow—Quote, “I’d rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a-Soup”
B) Vomit Paltrow—Quote, “When you go to Paris, and your concierge sends you to some restaurant because they get a kickback it’s like, ‘No. Where should I really be? Where is the great bar with organic wine? Where do I get a bikini wax in Paris?’ People know that I know that.”
C) Snobby/Vomit Paltrow—Quote, “I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.”
6: Katherine Heigl: Behold the many faces of this bad boss bitch romcom queen:
A) Litigious Heigl—After drugstore chain Duane Reade used images of her carrying their shopping bag, Katherine sued them for $6 million!
B) Biting the hand that feeds her Heigl—On the film Knocked Up, which took the 36-year-old from TV actress to bonafide movie star A-lister, Katherine had this to say, “It paints the women as shrews, as humorless and uptight, and it paints the men as lovable, goofy, fun-loving guys. It exaggerated the characters, and I had a hard time with it, on some days. I’m playing such a bitch; why is she being such a killjoy? Why is this how you’re portraying women? Ninety-eight percent of the time it was an amazing experience, but it was hard for me to love the movie.”
C) Greedy Heigl—She demanded $3 million for the 2010 romantic comedy Valentine’s Day. Insiders called the sum “ridiculous” given the fact that it was an ensemble film and each cast member only had a few days of shooting. And, apparently, whatever producers were offering seemed to suit Julia Roberts, Queen Latifah, Bradley Cooper, Jessica Biel and Jamie Foxx just fine.
D) WTF Heigl—After winning the 2007 Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series, she withdrew her name from the 2008 Emmys list of TV contenders, telling the LA Times: “I did not feel that I was given material this season to warrant an Emmy nomination, and in an effort to maintain the integrity of the academy organization, I withdrew my name from contention.”
5: Jennifer Lopez: An insider says, “In a town ruled by narcissism it takes a special breed to be called out for it. Enter Jenny from the Block. She loves herself so much it’s scary. She doesn’t even try to hide the fact that she’s a diva. She is obsessed with herself, her body and her image. And she’s a total bitch!” Even the lovable Mariah Carey has said, “I’d rather be on stage with a pig.”
And she’s been a diva since waaaay back!
A) Entourage Lopez—In 2001, Jennifer demanded 9 dressing rooms for her 90-person entourage for a one-on-one BBC interview.
B) Charity Lopez—In 2010, J-Lo joined a slew of celebrities for a charity remake of Marvin Gaye’s, What’s Going On, benefiting AIDS victims. For what amounted to 8 seconds of footage, she demanded a 45-foot trailer, white drapes, candles, white couches, white lilies, white tablecloths and apple pie (à la mode).
C) Greedy Lopez—The show that reenergized her career almost didn't happen due to her long list of demands. Her requests included a $15 million dollar salary as well as a green-lit movie. After the usual back and forth, J-LO ended up 12 million dollars richer!
4: Katy Perry is perhaps the cattiest diva in pop. In fact, the 30-year-old Grammy winner actually compares herself to the notoriously aloof creatures, ”Cats are like, 'You have to earn my affection.' And I really associate myself with that. People have to earn my affection, but when I give it, it's going to be good.”
A) Sabotage Perry—It’s been rumored that Perry has sought to humiliate and destroy fellow pop stars Mariah Cary and Taylor Swift.
B) Violent Perry—At the 2009 MTV Awards rehearsals Kat lady threw a half full bottle at the head of [future husband/ex-husband] Russell Brand and said: “Got you on the head, huh? Kind of an easy target—it’s big and you’ve got that ridiculous hair.”
C) Egomaniac Perry—She allegedly demands that her trailers have custom made French lamps and a director’s chair with her name on it.
3: Pink: Don’t take our word for it. Just have a listen—She sings about punching people in the mouth, starting fights, and well, being an all round bad ass.
A) Assassin Pink—Got her name from the Reservoir Dogs hit man, Mr. Pink.
B) Romantical Pink—In 2005, she proposed to her motocross racing boyfriend Carey Hart by holding up a sign that read "WILL U MARRY ME? SERIOUS!" while he was in the middle of the Pro 250 Class finals in Mammoth, California.
C) Cirque du Soliel Pink—At the VMAs Pink hung upside down 40-50 feet above the audience and did a bunch of vigorous trapeze moves, all the while singing a pitch-perfect Sober.
2) Madonna: Elton John said it best when he said, “Why is she such a nightmare? Her tour has been a disaster, and it couldn’t happen to a bigger cunt. She looks like a fairground stripper.” SIDE NOTE: Speaking of the “c” word, Madonna called me that very word when I worked at The Townsend hotel in Detroit, Michigan, after I told her we didn’t have Showtime!
A) Germaphobe Madonna—Madonna is a germaphobe, so she makes sure her team of sterilizers gets rid of any skin, hair or saliva left behind in her dressing room, which begs the question, Is she a germaphobe or a murderer?
B) Back-Stage Demands Madonna—Within her 200-strong team she is said to have 30 bodyguards, a yoga instructor, personal chefs and an acupuncturist. Each room has to have 20 international phone lines, and custom made furniture.
C) Mommy Dearest Madonna—Madonna allegedly flies first class, while her kids fly coach. Reportedly, one time when she and her brood were deplaning, Madonna was busy ignoring them when the paparazzi appeared. In an effort to appear like a good mother, Madonna grabbed Lourdes and David’s hands, at which point Lourdes said, “Mom, why do you only hold our hands when the paparazzi are around?” Busted!
1) Angelina Jolie: The only Oscar winning, blood drinking, husband-stealing philanthropist on our list.
A) Femme Fatale Jolie—In 2005, Angelina shamelessly stole Brad Pitt away from then-wife Jennifer Anniston.
B) Activist Jolie—Long time couple Brad and Angie refused to get married until gays were legally allowed to wed in the state of California.
C) Saving The World Jolie—She’s literally donated millions to charities, she’s gone on more than 40 field missions, meeting with refugees and internally displaced persons in over 30 countries, she’s adopted orphans, saved orphans, and will be dropped off in the middle of war-zones. She doesn’t give a shit. Angelina has visited Sudan's Darfur region during the Darfur conflict, the Syrian-Iraqi border during the Second Gulf War, and the Afghan capital Kabul during the war in Afghanistan, where three aid workers were murdered in the midst of her first visit. After more than a decade of service as a UNHCR Goodwill Ambassador, Jolie was promoted to the rank of Special Envoy to High Commissioner António Guterres. Totally bad-ass.
