Do you believe those reports that Amal Clooney is pregnant? Then you’ll believe we came across Amal’s secret diary, and here’s the most recent entry:

 

August 31, 2015

Shit! We just lost another case and couldn't get Egypt to release those two journalists, whatshisname and whatshisname. On the other hand, did you see the press conference after the verdict? I looked magnificent. My white pantsuit was meant to signify purity, if it please the court. I was like a white knight or an avenging angel or something. All eyes on me, beyond a reasonable doubt.

The magazines are still going nuts for my gold dress but it turns out that you could see my underpants in certain lights. Thank goodness I didn't go commando! George prefers me in boxer shorts but our contract stipulates that I can wear a thong for special events. As I tell my clients, get it in writing!

Speaking of court, Cindy wants me to take up tennis but I don't see the point of running around after balls unless it burns more calories than my treadmill. I think she gets lonely when George and Randee are away on business or off on their motorbikes. I prefer to use the time for a threading appointment or reading about myself online.

Meanwhile, my stylist can't seem to understand how quickly I go through outfits! I will not repeat an outfit. This is why I'm a fucking icon.

If she can't reach Stella by tonight, that bitch is recused.