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Amanda Bynes Should Play Christian Grey


Sure, the naysayers will balk at the fact that Bynes doesn’t have a penis, so let’s just get that out of the way. The issue, not the penis. Amanda played a dude in She’s The Man, and she totally nailed it. She even made out with her lab partner Olivia in the kissing booth at the Junior League Carnival just to complete the disguise.

Christian Grey totally frenches beaucoup babes in Fifty Shades, and now we know Amanda’s up for it.

Sexual Predilections

Christian is a black belt level dom complete with his own freak nasty dungeon. Safe words not permitted.

Amanda revealed what could easily be construed as submissive tendencies and a penchant for pain when she tweeted that she wanted Drake to murder her vagina.

Drugs/Alcohol Abuse

Christian used to party pretty hard back in the day until he discovered sado masochism was a more effective way to exorcise his demons. Oh, and his mom was a crack whore.

Amanda likes to blaze mad tree. So much so that it landed her in rehab.

50 Shades of Grey= Iron Man

Oh yeah. She’s is rehab. Whatever. So what? Robert Downey jr. was zooted out of his mind when he shot Chaplin, and he was nominated for an Oscar. So suck it, haters. He also got his shit together and made an epic come back In Iron Man.

 The ‘D.’

Christian Grey was born in Detroit.

Amanda just signed a 3-year deal with the Detroit Lions.


Christian was born on June 18, 1983. Amanda was born on April 3, 1986. Close enough.


Christian’s eyes are grey. Amanda’s are blue. (See above)

Christian Grey’s has unruly dark-copper-colored hair. So does Amanda. Under that yellow mop she wears.


Christian only wants Anna to eat foods from a specific list. Amanda was quoted as saying food is the enemy.


Christian gets butt ass naked and plays Bach’s transcription of an oboe concerto, originally by Marcello.

Amanda gets butt ass naked and takes selfies. And she can sing, play the piano, and the violin.

Jamie Doran

Who the fuck is Jamie Doran?

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