Hello hello hello hello hi and welcome back to American Idol recap life! This week we get to know how the contestants feel about the towns they grew up in. They used to do this towards the end of the competition, but probably a good idea to do it before people start getting cut, that way we *hit the heartstrings* early on, ya dig?

Jena Irene who grew up (or I guess is still growing up) in a suburb of Detroit sings KT Tunstall's "Suddenly I See" because it reminds of her being in the car with her parents and singing along to the song with them. Crazy, that song reminds me of college, I am so old. Jena has such a neat tone to her voice that it didn't matter that it was a wacky choice. My only problem with Jena is that she might be either really shy or really lame. WhEn WiLL tHe tRuTh coMe OuT???

So you know that Alex Preston is going to sing a Gavin DeGrew song tonight, because why wouldn't he, right? Right/Barf/Right. Alex is cool but his taste in music reminds me of potpourri. Like, they actually showed a picture of Alex and Gavin DeGraw backstage. Anyway the performance is fine-- Alex looks good in his fancy blue tux and Harry makes a music theory joke with him that the majority of the American public probably didn't understand. Fun fact: one time I met Gavin DeGraw at a bar in the East Village and he asked me if my hair was curly. He had to have been so drunk because even somebody who was legally blind could tell that my hair is very curly. So yeah, that's that.

Jessica Meuse is up next and she chooses to sing "White Flag" by Dido, out of all of the songs in the world. Is she drugged up or something? Because homegirl is looking very glazed over and not really *connecting* with the audience the way Harry Keith and Jen like their contestants to do. Jessica is styled the way American Idol styles every single one of their country singing ladies since Season One-- blown-out hair with big roller curls. So #Nashville, guys. Harry and I agree that Jessica wasn't really present during the performance, and Keith Urban who is usually pretty sedated sings acapella into the mic to explain to Jessica what "having emotion" is. I cracked up at him. Something about his tan and his hair and his mouth and his accent cracks me the f up.

Dexter Roberts is bummed that he can't be home to meet the little of puppies his dog just had, which is all he has to say right there. No need to perform, I'll vote for him based on that cute lil aside alone. He sings "Lucky Man" so well that I teared up a bit. Keith tells him it was a perfect song choice and I agree with him. He really didn't need to sing for votes though, I am telling you.

Emily Piriz chooses to sing "Let's Get Loud" by JLo which, in theory, seems like a nightmare, no? Well guess what, it's only a little bit of a nightmare. LoL. Emily can't really dance, but I think I'm the only one who is mean enough to voice that opinion aloud. Doesn't mean I don't love Emily, I LOVE EMILY and the fact that she reps for #latinas. Nothing is cuter than JLo tearing up after giving Emily feedback. She is just so touched that her song was a part of Emily's childhood! MAWWWH. Also I noticed this last week when Harry was giving Emily comments-- I have a feeling Emily harbors hatred for Harry based on the way he treated her during Rush Week. I don't blame her; the only reason I'm holding a grudge against Harry through the season is because of that bit of slut-shaming he did. YOU GIVE HIM THAT GLARE, EMILY! He deserves it!

Caleb Johnson very well may be the first person on Idol to sing a Rush song, so for that, he must be commended. He cites part of the reason he chose this song was because his drama teacher in high school was a big Rush fan-- can I move to Asheville, North Carolina, please? My band teacher in New Jersey liked Alicia Keys for Christ's sake. Anyway Caleb always performs the shit out of every song, but it's always the same ol' thang. Keith suggests he tries out a different shtick. I'm like yeah same.

In more breakthrough Idol moments, is MK Nobilette the first contestant with openly gay parents? Could be. Her parents seem mad cool and like they don't really feeling like filming some cheesy "good luck" video for MK, which I totally *feel*. MK sings Train's "Drops of Jupiter," a song that must have been covered by pretty much everybody who has ever held a microphone in their hand, am I right? MK does a good job but Harry wonders if she even wants to be on the Idol stage that badly. My guess is, PROBABLY NOT, because nobody as cool as MK would lose their composure and soul just because they're on American Idol.

Ugh talking about C.J. Harris breaks my heart because he's so nice, SO NICE, SO NICEEEEE but has been a straight SNOOZEFEST for the past three weeks. And he chose a damn John Mayer song. Not just any John Mayer song-- he chose "Waiting on the World to Change." Smdh.

Sam Woolf is hip I feel like, since he chose a Blind Pilot song, and aren't they pretty hip? Anyway, it was a good performance. Keith's new thing is predicting whether or not a contestant will make it til next week, and according to Sensai Keith, Sam Woolf will be here next week.

Malaya Watson just kills all semblance of life tonight with her rendition of "Take Me to the King," like WTF is her range? Incredible, that's what. I really was so surprised-- hadn't seen her belt like that until now. And she's in high school! Jeez Louise some people are too impressive. I am officially and totally #TEAMMALAYA.

Question: why does Harry like to hate on Ben Briley? I think last week he gave him neg comments too. Ben sings "Keeps Me Turning Home" and I'm pretty sure he is the best singer in the competition, but he keeps getting lukewarm comments that I don't understand.

Majesty Rose is the prettiest lil thang I've ever seen-- I love watching her talk! She's magical I think. What isn't magical was her choice of song tonight-- "Fix You" by Coldplay, womppppppp. The beginning was great and magical and I was staring into her eyes, begging to be saved-- and then she got all rock band on me and it wasn't working. TRUE BUMMER. Doesn't matter, I'll still vote for her since she is my new television girl crush.

Whew! 1200 words later... I'M OUT! Who do you think is going home tomorrow night?