We knew there had to be a way to undo Thanos' temper tantrum, but we didn't know there'd be such sick hair cuts and outfit changes.
Even if you swore off all Avengers films after the disappointment of the first Thor (2011) movie, all you need to do to catch up with the highest-grossing franchise of all time is watch the new Avengers: Endgame trailer.
Within its two-and-a-half minutes, about half the footage recaps the ending of Avengers: Infinity War, when the all-powerful Thanos did the bitchiest snap of all time and disintegrated half of the universe's population (including half of our heroes) into brown, flaky dust.
But the thing about the Marvel Universe is that our heroes go off on so many separate adventures within the same timeline that we already know there's a way to undo the epic Bitch Snap™. Peter Parker can't be dead when he's going to be battling Jake Gyllenhaal in a Spider-Man sequel coming out later this year, and confirmation of Guardians of the Galaxy 3 teases Peter "Star-Lord" Quill will eventually be returning, as well.
With that being said, elaborate fan theories are nothing compared to official glimpses, and while the perished Avengers aren't included in the Endgame trailer, the new clips we get to see are increasingly loaded. Black Widow and Captain America share dramatic looks and vow never to move on, Hawkeye teaches his kid how to be deadly with a bow and arrow before getting his hair cut into an upsetting mohawk, and all the surviving Avengers show off their sick new spacesuits as they slow-motion walk towards the next crazy scheme to save the universe.
Oh, Captain Marvel's in this, too. Thor seems to like her.
Marvel Studios' Avengers: Endgame - Official Trailer www.youtube.com
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If you cling to outdated ideas, you are choosing to be left behind.
A relative recently reached out to express concern that I was sharing ageist sentiments on the Internet.
She didn't have to specify which content had bothered her. I knew she was talking about my attacks on "boomers."
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Please stop me.
Post Malone is the poet laureate of all beer-drunken hearts, and his astute observations on life, love, and intoxication deserve to be taken far too seriously.
As a freshly graduated English major who just moved to Brooklyn, I feel that it's my personal responsibility to share my philosophical musings with the world. Sadly, very few people read books anymore, so I've decided to apply my degree to something I love but that also may meet the masses on their terms: the exquisitely poetic lyrics of the one and only Post Malone.
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