How does Blue Ivy Carter sleep at night? Literally, we mean--for all the press and paparazzi pursuit Jay-Z and Beyonce's much-feted child has received, somehow we've never learned what lulls her to sleep. Enter the Jingle Punks Hipster Orchestra (at which point we cosign Vulture: don't close tab, just go with it. This isn't one of those unbearable "look at us hipsters gingerly venture into the world of charting R&B!" irony-fests, at least not this video.) Their gift to the child is a pretty-faithful-actually orchestral medley of her parents' classics: "Dirt Off Your Shoulder," "Crazy in Love" (double artist score!), "Izzo," "Irreplaceable," "Big Pimpin," "Halo" and "Empire State of Mind." There's no "Glory," but let's be honest: it'll need years' worth of reassessments before it can reach those heights.

One super-pedantic quibble, though: They introduce this by saying classical music is good for kids' development, but that's a myth. Classical music doesn't actually make babies smarter, at least not due to it being specifically classical. Blue Ivy'd be just as good with Jay and Bey's original tracks! It's not like she won't have them memorized by the time she's two.