Tupac was right...California knows how to party for sure, but he may have over looked Colorado as a serious contender, where a night out may or may not include such hijinks as chowing down Wheat Thins, popping molly, having a seizure, blowing fat rails of coke, car-jacking an ambulance, igniting a car chase, and then jerking off in the police station.
On Halloween night, after ingesting a narcotic cocktail, Sortland helped himself to an empty ambulance. According to police reports acquired by Denver's ABC 7, police tracked the vehicle and found it worse for the wear:
Loveland police officers said they found the ambulance in the middle of Highway 34 with several doors open, heavy front-end damage and fluid leaking.
One officer said it appeared the driver of the ambulance had hit the raised median, jumped the curb, hit a sign, went the wrong way and crossed back over the median before stopping.
Officers said they found 18-year-old Stefan Sortland standing about 30 yards from the stopped ambulance wearing an EMT vest. Officers shot him with a stun gun when he refused their commands. Sortland had a blanket, a cell phone and a box of Wheat Thins with him.
Cops managed to subdue the little dickens and take him down town where they were treated to a full Monty extravaganza.
Sortland was taken to the Loveland Police Department.
There he "stood on a bench, kicked the wall, and masturbated," according to the police report.
Police said during his interview with officers, Sortland made a reference that his "friends/roommates were dead, in heaven, and had committed suicide."
Wait….Wheat Thins? Quit blaming the molly. This kid is clearly Gluten intolerant.....