When it comes to sex, America is definitely not the land of the free.
The US of A has quite a variety of attitudes towards sex but it all depends on where you are geographically—so, let's face it, you really need to know the anti-perv penal code in case your deviant bedroom play lands you in the slammer.
Luckily, Popdust has kindly prepared a summary of the great nation's lewd laws so you can avoid any handcuff action—unless, of course, that was actually part of your evening's plan—in which case DON'T GO TO ALABAMA!
However, if you're looking to marry your sibling or uncle, or heck, how about your niece or nephew? Then, DO head down to 'bama, as incestuous marriages are legal down in the Yellowhammer State. (Just make sure your sibling/close relative isn't the same sex as you though, because, although Alabama did recognize gay marriage for a hot minute back on February 9 of this year, by March 3 it was back on the chopping block. Good news though at least, is that since 2003 same sex sexual activity is no longer illegal.)
Meanwhile, if you're really hankering to get your 50 Shades on, in addition to 'bama you should also stay the hell out of Georgia, Kentucky, Nevada, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Florida, Utah and Virginia—as BDSM activities are illegal in all.
If you want to commit adultery maybe don't go to New York or North Carolina—as both states still list the act as a crime—and certainly think twice about cheating on your spouse if you're in Mississippi, where you could face a fine of $500 or 6 months in prison if you get busted—that's in addition to the pasting you'll get from your other half.
And, if you like a little battery aided stimulation from time to time, be careful where you roam—sex toys are banned in Georgia and aren't allowed to be sold in Nevada (presumably you can bring them in from out of state though and buzz merrily away). Meanwhile, if you've got a large toy collection avoid Arizona where you may not have more than two dildos in the same house, or Texas where it's illegal to own more than six dildos (six? who the hell has that kinda time?).
Even the states that are seen as more progressive and free still have some strange laws on the book (albeit usually ages old and not upheld)—For instance, in Walnut, California, it's illegal for a man to dress as a woman without the permission of the local Sheriff.
Conversely, Florida, the state that seems to be the source of 90 percent of bizarre sex crime stories and perverted whack jobs, has a law in place banning married couples, in addition to their single counterparts, from engaging in open "lewdness or lascivious behavior."
Yeah? How's that working out for you Sunshine State? Not that well really when you examine the evidence.
Here are 10 of our favorite sex laws:
Alaska — In Fairbanks, moose are banned from having sex on city streets. Well of COURSE they are!
Arkansas —Flirtation and "lascivious banter" between men and women on the streets may result in a 30-day jail term in Little Rock. Hmmm, don't remember this being enforced when Bill Clinton was Governor.
California—It's illegal to sell stuffed items resembling breasts ("boobie pillows") within 1000 feet of a highway. It's fine in the 'burbs though.
Iowa—Kisses may last for no more than five minutes. Have a break, eat some cheese.
Louisiana—Necrophilia is legal. Ewwwwww.
Nebraska—You can't get married if you have gonorrhea. Well in fairness, it would be kinda rude to anyway.
Ohio—No person shall solicit sex from another of the same gender if it offends the second person. So always check first to see if they would, in theory, be offended if you hit on them just to be on the safe side.
Oregon—It's illegal to lie down in a public restroom, or for two people to share a stall meant for one. Seriously, who would want to lie down in one of those anyway?
South Carolina—If a man promises to marry a woman and she sleeps with him, the marriage must take place. There's no getting out of it fellas!
There you have it folks, stay legal and happy safe sexing!