CULTURE

The 2020 Democratic Candidates as Disney Characters

Like you weren't thinking the same things.

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We've seen 20 qualifying candidate squabble and squawk on a national stage, and other than Marianne Williamson definitely being a witch and Joe Biden remembering when racism was cool, we didn't learn much.

Actually, that's not true. We learned that our Democratic hopefuls to become the United States President in 2020 all resemble Disney characters. Now, in a true reflection of the broad spectrum of humanity and the prismatic nature of the human soul, some are villains and some are side characters; we're not judging any of them for just being who they are. So in no particular order, here are the contenders to become the next leaders of the free world (if by "free world" we mean the country with the highest incarceration rate in the world, the second worst ranking for economic mobility, and a decreasing life expectancy).

Pete Buttigieg as Pinnochio

democratic candidates as disney characters

Joe Biden as Scar from The Lion King

democratic candidates as disney characters

Kamala Harris as Mrs. Potts from Beauty and the Beast

democratic candidates as disney characters

Marianne Williamson as Yzma from The Emperor's New Groove

democratic candidates as disney characters

John Hickenlooper as Lumiere from Beauty and the Beast

democratic candidates as disney characters


Eric Swalwell as Ursula from The Little Mermaid

democratic candidates as disney characters

Bernie Sanders as Hunchback in The Hunchback of Notre Dame

democratic candidates as disney characters

Michael Bennett as Toaster in The Brave Little Toaster

democratic candidates as disney characters

Andrew Yang as Cogsworth in The Beauty and the Beast

democratic candidates as disney characters

Julián Castro as Iago from Aladdin

democratic candidates as disney characters


Elizabeth Warren as Peter Pan

democratic candidates as disney characters

Kirsten Gillibrand as Remy from Ratatouille

democratic candidates as disney characters

Amy Klobuchar as Kuzco (as a llama) in The Emperor's New Groove

Tim Ryan as Alfredo Linguini from Ratatouille

democratic candidates as disney characters

Beto O'Rourke as Jaq from Cinderella

democratic candidates as disney characters


Jay Inslee as Bruce from Finding Nemo (*Pixar, but released through Walt Disney)

democratic candidates as disney characters

John Delaney as Chip of Chip N' Dale

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Tulsi Gabbard as Megara from Hercules

democratic candidates as disney characters

Steve Bullock as Judge Claude Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Bill de Blasio as Hades from Hercules

democratic candidates as disney cartoons

Yes, these are our candidates for the 2020 presidential election. But the important thing to remember is the indisputable fact that Disney is better than Dreamworks: