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Dido Named Her Son Stan, As In "Stan"

Under normal circumstances, posting about Dido having a baby would be somewhere around priority #65536, somewhere near itemizing all the miniscule sales fluctuations of the day or rooting through dumpsters for paraphernalia (you laugh, but as you read this, there are probably people doing that.) These are not normal circumstances. These are the circumstances under which Dido named her son Stanley, as in something that can be shortened to Stan, as in the name of the character of Eminem's Dido-sampling "Stan," the sort of fan who does this:

I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway

Hey Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?

You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night"

about that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowning

but didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a a show he found him?

That's kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowning.

OK, so technically it's Stanley, which might not be reduced to its one obvious nickname, and technically Dido's contribution was from the Stan-free "Thank You," but "Stan" is still just a leetle better-known than, say, "Here With Me" or "White Flag." (Both of which really stand up as songs, in case you confused our take on the name with our take on Dido.)

Nevertheless, considering that Stanley isn't exactly super-popular as a baby name (although more popular than you'd think in the U.K.), you imagine there might be better choices out there. That said, it could've been worse; here are three plausible to not-really-plausible-but-funny scenarios that'd be slightly more questionable:

The name "Stephen" showing up, ever.

Taylor Swift and Ke$ha are already barred from using it thanks to "Hey Stephen" and "Stephen" respectively, one about a crush and one about a really creepy crush. In such close succession, that's probably worth a five-year music-world moratorium, no?

Beyonce naming her baby anything starting with B.

The nicknames are already one portmanteau away from critical mass. Imagine how things will explode when the baby's actually born! And imagine how much more they'll explode with "Bebe" than, say, "Henrietta." (N.b.: Neither of these will actually be the name. If either is in fact the name, remind us of this fact and we will be duly shamed)

Justin Bieber, should he ever actually father a child instead of generating really annoying tabloid storylines, naming the kid anything at all.

Cries of favoritism will inevitably be cried. He should probably just go with a series of numbers.

[Vulture]

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