Just how much do you love your kid? Well, if you really, really loved him, you might spring for the $1 million fee apparently demanded by hip-hop megastar Kanye West to perform at private functions. But if you only, eh, kinda sorta loved him, you'd probably go the cheapskate route and get him hip-hop double-threat Drake at the discounted price of $250k. So when it came time for ex-NBC Universal CEO and noted penny-pincher Jeff Zucker to hire a performer for his son Andrew's Bar Mitzvah, you'd think he'd go full-out for the special occasion. But alas, he went the cost-efficient route and got boring ol' Drake at 75% off the Kanye rate.

Typical rich people, really—we bet you skimped on the cocktail weenies and the inflatable-instrument giveaways too, Jeff. C'mon, how is this kid supposed to show his face around his middle school (which is built out of gold and exists somewhere in the sky) when all his friends know that his father can only afford one of the ten biggest pop stars in the world, instead of a legitimate top-fiver? When the kid turns 16 and needs a date for his birthday party, are you gonna dig deep and get him Nicki Minaj, or are you gonna figure Skylar Grey is close enough? You're the one who's probably gonna end up paying for the psychiatric bills ten years down the line, I hope you realize.