Apple has always had a way with their marketing campaigns and the likability/mockability of the newest iPhone 4S ads—y'know, "Is that raaaaain?"—beg for parodies starring other notable personalities. The folks at Jest have come up with one tailor-made for Chris Brown, based on his complicated history with technology. Yes, of the millions of iPhone users out there, this Breezy ended up with this Siri, burdening her with the take of doing whatever he asks in between dance moves. The servant-within-a-phone puts up a good fight, insulting music buyers for their short-term memory ("If three years ago you told me you would still have fans in 2012, I would have been goddamn beside myself") and insisting that she'd rather be physically broken than direct message dick pics to his millions of Twitter followers. We're guessing this kind of back-and-forth that ends in regrettable decisions is not unlike what Breezy and his management team go through on a daily basis.

In the end, Siri's a slave to her iPhone owner, and should not be judged for whatever status updates or tweets come from his account; she's just doing her job. Here's hoping the iPhone 5 comes with Sorting Hat-like abilities to better match Siri with her future owners. Audible dysfunction makes all the cool Apple tricks less enjoyable. Watch below.