OK, that's not 100% true; Simon Cowell we're guessing will stay with X Factor until the battered husk of that franchise slips into a watery grave. But otherwise, it looks like the great reality-show judging carousel will spin on for at least one more summer. Who's jumping ship, and who's staying for the rearranging of the deck chairs? Here's where everything stands, as of May 16:
The Voice has overtaken Idol as the biggest singing game in town, but unlike its rival (which kept its original judges for a whole eight years) the NBC juggernaut can't seem to hold on for a judge for long. Still, though, there's a remarkable lack of drama surrounding the comings and goings in the red swivel-chairs. It's good to be on top.
ADAM LEVINE: Staying!
BLAKE SHELTON: Staying!
SHAKIRA: She's officially leaving. (To take care of her new baby, she says.)
USHER: He's rumored to be leaving. (To shoot a movie, they say.)
CHRISTINA AGUILERA: She's reportedly coming back.
CEE-LO GREEN: He's officially coming back.
The former no. 1 show in television has fallen off quite a bit from its glory days, and its problems are unlikely to be solved by another reshuffling of the judging panel. But firing the judges is the boldest reform the Idol producers seem willing to take, so that's what they're going to do. When all you're allowed is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
RANDY JACKSON: He's officially leaving. (He's focusing on his company Dream Merchant 21, he says.)
MARIAH CAREY: She's rumored to be leaving. (And she's too big for the show anyway, her husband says.)
NICKI MINAJ: She's rumored to be leaving. (And has told everyone she is, Us Weekly says.)
KEITH URBAN: He's rumored to be leaving. (Because he never got to stand in the middle, we hope.)
JENNIFER LOPEZ: She was rumored to be coming back for season 12.
The launch of the US X Factor hasn't gone as well as Simon Cowell hoped. The show doesn't dominate pop culture the way it does in the UK, and the much-heralded Britney hire didn't amount to anything at all. So, it's back to the drawing board yet again for Cowell. But there's a bit of good news: The second season seems poised to make stars out at least one of Emblem3, Carly Rose Sonenclar or Fifth Harmony (or maybe all three?) Could new judges reap the rewards of a newly relevant X Factor? Ask us again a year from now.
SIMON COWELL: He's staying until they pry the show from his cold, dead hands!
BRITNEY SPEARS: She's officially leaving. (To record her album, she says.)
L.A. REID: He's officially leaving. (To spend more time at his real job, he says.)
DEMI LOVATO: She's staying!
KELLY ROWLAND: She's officially joining the show.
PAULINA RUBIO: She's officially joining the show.
JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT: She was rumored to be signing on.
HILLARY DUFF: She was rumored to be signing on.
FAITH HILL: She was rumored to be signing on.
Watch this space for more updates on the ever-spinning judges carousel!