LOLO’s new hit, Gangsters, featuring Giggs, isn't exactly something for everyone.

I mean, it's a great song. But in terms of its relatability? Well, it definitely excludes anyone with a Jewish mother. But hey, not all of us are so unlucky. Seems like this girl actually got a chance to develop her social skills, maybe too much so..

But we've heard the story before, looking for love in all the wrong places, right? All right, well lets dive in and see what else we can squeeze out of these lyrics.

 

Been so hard to pretend

I don't want you

I can't tear myself away

Like the danger

 

Well that sounds intriguing. Where are we? Who are we with? What kind of danger? Please tell me someone FINALLY got my memo to start rapping about LOST. Is this the scene where Sawyer runs into that wild boar?? You can’t tear yourself away, man I can’t begin to tell you the danger that show put me in. I stayed in to watch the reruns. I spent hours playing the LOST board game – alone. And you know what? My mom still thinks I’m a lesbian for it.

 

All I know is that I always seem to fall in love with gangsters

Gangsters

I try watching my step but I always seem to fall in love with gangsters

They want it all, I have no control

And if I go, they'll lose control

You don't want to see that side of them

 

Oh I get it. We’re talking about gangsters. Can’t say that smoke monsters and wild boars wouldn’t be just as cool but, ok…just gotta change gears here. All right. So it seems like you can put these gangsters under a ‘spell’ of sorts. But do you have a screening process? I’m telling you, a girl needs a screening process. Think about Al Capone, he was cool, he was a gangster, but would you bang Al Capone? ….Gross.

 

You have control, you're blowing up

You don't lose control with that

She said that she once liked gangsters

She knows I won't let go of her

After the beat, man, it's going down

Spoke with the G's, get thrown in that

Say that's a chick thing, show it off

She wears red, but ...

Jump in the slip, man's throw in that

You got a beat, voice spell, lower that

Click clap, these fake gangsters get low in that

Y'all decieve, man ...

My real family, that's ...

Mamy taught God to own her

Get women once and throw 'em out

 

Ok. There’s a lot to go through here. If I understand what’s being said correctly, then I’d like to start with the last line, and go backwards from there. Ahem. F*** you, Mr. Giggs. Get women once and throw ‘em out? Come on. Lame. And LOLO, come on. Lame. I know gangsters are cool, and I know they have money, and I know everyone else is scared of them. But maybe you’ve got to broaden your palate. Ever date a nice Jewish boy? Pop open a bottle of wine, do a puzzle or something.  A Friday night couldn’t be more rewarding. Tell me that doesn’t have the same appeal. Sure most of them have deviated septums, sure they’re the not the most confrontational of the bunch, and yea, maybe they’re not great lovers, but….oh… ok, fine, I get it. I’ve fallen out of my own trap here. Maybe it would be hard to shift gears once you’ve started up with a gangster. But… nah, never mind, there is no follow up for that.

 

All I know is that I always seem to fall in love with gangsters

Gangsters

I try watching my step but I always seem to fall in love with gangsters

They want it all, I have no control

And if I go, they'll lose control

You don't want to see that side of them

 

Hm. Sounds like these kinds of guys sure do like you. But what’s up with that line “if you go they lose control.” Does that mean like….they get sad? Or are we talking more like… desperate-911-call-followed-up-by-restraining-order, kind of thing. I mean, not that that’s not sexy (?), I’m sure there’s some niche out there that would love it. Just not sure your fan base would feel the same. But then again, what do I know. I spent my adolescence playing board games.

 

It's easy to believe that we all can resist the bad

But there's always a thing that caused my name the loudest

And when the bad looks good all dressed up in his Sunday look

My eyes lock in, my heart gives in, and it starts all over again

I could just look away, I would be ok

 

Well thank goodness. It seems like you’ve finally confirmed that you would have politely declined if Al Capone ever came around. But so they look good. Big deal. Plenty of people do.  Looks like the problem is that you’re always putting yourself in the wrong place.  You know, there are lots of places to go where people look good, but aren’t gangsters. Church, birthday parties, interventions (well, that last one depends), but you get my point. Stop making it so easy for yourself. Do the rest of us a favor start mixing with the less-desirable facets of society. Those ones are usually nicer.

 

It's so hard to pretend I don't want you

I can't tear myself away

I like, I like, I like the danger

 

I get it. Going after these gangsters is an addicting kind of thing. But you know what the best cure for addiction is? Replacing it with another one. You know what the best kind of addiction is? TV. Well that one falls just short of alcoholism, but hey, I’m not judging. Go wild, combine the two. Next time one of these gangsters asks you out, you’ve got the perfect defense. You simply say “No, I’ve got about 5 hours of a new series to watch, and only 10 bottles of wine to do it with.” Think it’s hard getting rid of gangsters? Try breaking that habit.