HUMOR

Guys to Avoid on Halloween, By Costume

Truly nothing more horrifying than a dude dressed as a gynecologist for Halloween.

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The men you should steer clear of at parties often come with physical warning signs—the finance bro extra-wide button down, the here-for-the-weekend-from-Jersey graphic tee, and douchebag haircuts of all types. But on Halloween, even the usually well-dressed creeps tend to show their true colors. If you find yourself being hit on this Halloweekend by a gentleman in one of these getups, run like you're being chased by Slenderman.

Gynecologist

~ screaming into oblivion ~Pinterest

Okay, this should be an easy one, and I would hope most adult women know by know to stay away from men who equate OB/GYNs with "person who touches vaginas for a living, heheh," but it bears reminding—don't go there, EVEN IF HE IS CUTE. This poor fool has no idea how slimy, or juvenile, he is.

Adult Baby

Nope.Spirit Halloween

This is about as clear as red flags come. If you two start dating and months from now you find yourself doing his laundry, helping him with his taxes (because he's actually never filed before), and watching him pout when you explain to him that flirting with other women hurts your feelings, don't say you didn't see it coming.

Drake

I may not be Rihanna, but you ain't Drake :/Buzzfeed

This sub-softboy is trying to impress girls, but clearly just doesn't get it. Even Drake wouldn't be Drake for Halloween. He'd probably be, like, Holden Caulfield or something.

Holden Caulfield

Okay, I guess this is what Holden Caulfield looks like?Pinterest

This actual softboy, if over the age of 18, is too damn old to still be identifying with this literary paragon of teen angst—which you can bet he does. Also like, anyone pretentious enough to dress as a 20th century literature character for Halloween is going to be pretentiously judging your costume, drink, music taste, and college degree. You don't need that.

The Non-Costume

Blah.District Lines

Anyone who wears one of those "this is my costume" t-shirts and still thinks he's clever in the 2016th year of our lord is not on your level, sweetheart. Get you a man who takes Halloween seriously.

All of the above is assuming you're already staying far away from the real asshats in racist (white dudes in sombreros) and transphobic (Caitlyn Jenner...ugh) costumes. Apart from those, Halloween is statistically proven to be the best holiday of the year, but also the thirstiest. Choose wisely, and let the costumes lead the way.

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