In her new interview with Self magazine, Gwyneth Paltrow makes a point of assuring us that she does indeed have sex, even though she's 'an intelligent being.'
Now, let's decide what is more shocking - that she has sex, or that she would see a conflict between IQ and libido?
Time and again, we have wondered just how much Gwyneth needs to be hated before she feels satisfied.
Evidently, she is insatiable in the hate department. Sexually, we don't want to know.
Well, too bad for us. Gwyneth wants us to know stuff about her, god damn it, and it just keeps coming, like a pestilence.
Here is Gwyneth addressing the issue of sex:
We have this idea that you can’t be a mother and a businesswoman and like to have sex! How is an intelligent woman a sexual being? It’s really hard to integrate those. Like, ‘Gwyneth has sex? Really?’ It doesn’t seem to go together. But I think it’s important, as mothers and as women contributing to society in whatever way we each are, that our true sexuality doesn’t get lost or put aside.
Aha, who knew that intelligence and sex don't seem to go together? Personally, I sort of insist on having them together, but that's me. Maybe I'm kind of Gwynethy without realizing it!
On the subject of trying to relax, Gwyneth really gets worked up;
I have yet to meet someone who isn’t burdened with hyperresponsibility!
That's funny, no one I know has this burden, so whew, I'm not Gwynethy after all. But let her explain:
Everyone is suffering from this sense of ‘I have to do it all and I have to do it perfectly. It’s all my friends, all my colleagues: We try to do everything to such a high standard. And I’m like, Where did we get this from? Because I’m f—ing exhausted!
This is where the Gwyneth 'Please Hate Me' Paltrow kicks in.
The clueless privileged whining about her need for perfection combined with allusions to her important high-powered friends.
We used to think that she just can't help herself from blurting out these provocations but now we know better. It is a bold play for more hate (see TROLL).
If for some reason these efforts aren't really registering with you, how about her ridiculous sexist views on her children?
My daughter has the most beautiful feminine energy, and it’s cool to be around that. It keeps me in the spirit of youth and growth.
She, she even sees her kids as vehicles for her own benefit, something that can be exploited for maximum utility! And here's how savvy she is:
If I make my kids something delicious and we sit down to eat it, and I put my phone away and I really listen, that is such money in the bank.
Take note, mothers! Money in the bank.
10: Halle Berry:
For years she’s managed to fly under the diva radar, but make no mistake, Berry is as bad as they come.
A) Silent Treatment Berry: The Oscar-winner reportedly paid almost $60,000 to have her cabinets re-stained and drew up a list of 'DON’Ts' for the workers in her house. No one was allowed to approach her under any circumstances. Then, she allegedly demanded the workers not to speak to her, and if she were to address them, only then they might answer her.
B) Nightmare Berry: The actress has been accused of making everyone “miserable” on the set of her new show Extant with her diva antics.
C) Mean Berry: An insider alleges, “Contrary to public perception Halle has a particularly nasty temper, and she can be really controlling and vindictive!”
9: Reese Witherspoon:
America’s sweetheart my ass. Reese loves to whip out the legal bat and start swinging.
A) “Don’t You Know Who I Am” Witherspoon—In 2013, Reese was arrested alongside her husband Jim Toth, who was pulled over for reckless driving. When Witherspoon refused to stay seated, she antagonized the cop by saying things like, "Do you know my name? ... You’re about to find out who I am ... You are going to be on national news."
B) Litigious Witherspoon—In 2005, she sued the author of this here Popdust article for saying she was pregnant. But she really did look pregnant!
C) Even Litigious Witherspoon—The 37-year-old actress filed suit against Marketing Advantages International and its jewelry website Emitations.com over advertisements that included her image.
8: Jamie Lynn Spears: Britney’s little sister will open up a can of Louisiana whup-ass on anyone who doesn’t come correct.
A) Vigilante Spears—Earlier this month, a fight broke out between a bunch of burly drunken men in a Louisiana sandwich shop. After pulling her friend to safety, Jamie Lynn broke up the fight by jumping behind the counter, grabbing a 12-inch serrated blade, and waving it in the air like she was gonna f%^& some s^&% up.
B) Bodyguard Spears—When a disgruntled Bel Air resident screamed in big sister Britney’s face that she wasn’t wanted in the neighborhood, Jamie stepped up. She got about an inch from the woman’s face and screamed so loud it blew her Balayaged bangs clean off her face.
C) Wind-Beneath-My-Wings Spears—When Britney was having her infamous 2007 head-shaving meltdown, Jamie Lynn was her sister’s rock, and stood by her side when everyone else let her down.
7: Gwyneth Paltrow: Quote, “For years, Gwyneth has rubbed many in and out of the business the wrong way.” Maybe because she says shit like this:
A) Snobby Paltrow—Quote, “I’d rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a-Soup”
B) Vomit Paltrow—Quote, “When you go to Paris, and your concierge sends you to some restaurant because they get a kickback it’s like, ‘No. Where should I really be? Where is the great bar with organic wine? Where do I get a bikini wax in Paris?’ People know that I know that.”
C) Snobby/Vomit Paltrow—Quote, “I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.”
6: Katherine Heigl: Behold the many faces of this bad boss bitch romcom queen:
A) Litigious Heigl—After drugstore chain Duane Reade used images of her carrying their shopping bag, Katherine sued them for $6 million!
B) Biting the hand that feeds her Heigl—On the film Knocked Up, which took the 36-year-old from TV actress to bonafide movie star A-lister, Katherine had this to say, “It paints the women as shrews, as humorless and uptight, and it paints the men as lovable, goofy, fun-loving guys. It exaggerated the characters, and I had a hard time with it, on some days. I’m playing such a bitch; why is she being such a killjoy? Why is this how you’re portraying women? Ninety-eight percent of the time it was an amazing experience, but it was hard for me to love the movie.”
C) Greedy Heigl—She demanded $3 million for the 2010 romantic comedy Valentine’s Day. Insiders called the sum “ridiculous” given the fact that it was an ensemble film and each cast member only had a few days of shooting. And, apparently, whatever producers were offering seemed to suit Julia Roberts, Queen Latifah, Bradley Cooper, Jessica Biel and Jamie Foxx just fine.
D) WTF Heigl—After winning the 2007 Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series, she withdrew her name from the 2008 Emmys list of TV contenders, telling the LA Times: “I did not feel that I was given material this season to warrant an Emmy nomination, and in an effort to maintain the integrity of the academy organization, I withdrew my name from contention.”
5: Jennifer Lopez: An insider says, “In a town ruled by narcissism it takes a special breed to be called out for it. Enter Jenny from the Block. She loves herself so much it’s scary. She doesn’t even try to hide the fact that she’s a diva. She is obsessed with herself, her body and her image. And she’s a total bitch!” Even the lovable Mariah Carey has said, “I’d rather be on stage with a pig.”
And she’s been a diva since waaaay back!
A) Entourage Lopez—In 2001, Jennifer demanded 9 dressing rooms for her 90-person entourage for a one-on-one BBC interview.
B) Charity Lopez—In 2010, J-Lo joined a slew of celebrities for a charity remake of Marvin Gaye’s, What’s Going On, benefiting AIDS victims. For what amounted to 8 seconds of footage, she demanded a 45-foot trailer, white drapes, candles, white couches, white lilies, white tablecloths and apple pie (à la mode).
C) Greedy Lopez—The show that reenergized her career almost didn't happen due to her long list of demands. Her requests included a $15 million dollar salary as well as a green-lit movie. After the usual back and forth, J-LO ended up 12 million dollars richer!
4: Katy Perry is perhaps the cattiest diva in pop. In fact, the 30-year-old Grammy winner actually compares herself to the notoriously aloof creatures, ”Cats are like, 'You have to earn my affection.' And I really associate myself with that. People have to earn my affection, but when I give it, it's going to be good.”
A) Sabotage Perry—It’s been rumored that Perry has sought to humiliate and destroy fellow pop stars Mariah Cary and Taylor Swift.
B) Violent Perry—At the 2009 MTV Awards rehearsals Kat lady threw a half full bottle at the head of [future husband/ex-husband] Russell Brand and said: “Got you on the head, huh? Kind of an easy target—it’s big and you’ve got that ridiculous hair.”
C) Egomaniac Perry—She allegedly demands that her trailers have custom made French lamps and a director’s chair with her name on it.
3: Pink: Don’t take our word for it. Just have a listen—She sings about punching people in the mouth, starting fights, and well, being an all round bad ass.
A) Assassin Pink—Got her name from the Reservoir Dogs hit man, Mr. Pink.
B) Romantical Pink—In 2005, she proposed to her motocross racing boyfriend Carey Hart by holding up a sign that read "WILL U MARRY ME? SERIOUS!" while he was in the middle of the Pro 250 Class finals in Mammoth, California.
C) Cirque du Soliel Pink—At the VMAs Pink hung upside down 40-50 feet above the audience and did a bunch of vigorous trapeze moves, all the while singing a pitch-perfect Sober.
2) Madonna: Elton John said it best when he said, “Why is she such a nightmare? Her tour has been a disaster, and it couldn’t happen to a bigger cunt. She looks like a fairground stripper.” SIDE NOTE: Speaking of the “c” word, Madonna called me that very word when I worked at The Townsend hotel in Detroit, Michigan, after I told her we didn’t have Showtime!
A) Germaphobe Madonna—Madonna is a germaphobe, so she makes sure her team of sterilizers gets rid of any skin, hair or saliva left behind in her dressing room, which begs the question, Is she a germaphobe or a murderer?
B) Back-Stage Demands Madonna—Within her 200-strong team she is said to have 30 bodyguards, a yoga instructor, personal chefs and an acupuncturist. Each room has to have 20 international phone lines, and custom made furniture.
C) Mommy Dearest Madonna—Madonna allegedly flies first class, while her kids fly coach. Reportedly, one time when she and her brood were deplaning, Madonna was busy ignoring them when the paparazzi appeared. In an effort to appear like a good mother, Madonna grabbed Lourdes and David’s hands, at which point Lourdes said, “Mom, why do you only hold our hands when the paparazzi are around?” Busted!
1) Angelina Jolie: The only Oscar winning, blood drinking, husband-stealing philanthropist on our list.
A) Femme Fatale Jolie—In 2005, Angelina shamelessly stole Brad Pitt away from then-wife Jennifer Anniston.
B) Activist Jolie—Long time couple Brad and Angie refused to get married until gays were legally allowed to wed in the state of California.
C) Saving The World Jolie—She’s literally donated millions to charities, she’s gone on more than 40 field missions, meeting with refugees and internally displaced persons in over 30 countries, she’s adopted orphans, saved orphans, and will be dropped off in the middle of war-zones. She doesn’t give a shit. Angelina has visited Sudan's Darfur region during the Darfur conflict, the Syrian-Iraqi border during the Second Gulf War, and the Afghan capital Kabul during the war in Afghanistan, where three aid workers were murdered in the midst of her first visit. After more than a decade of service as a UNHCR Goodwill Ambassador, Jolie was promoted to the rank of Special Envoy to High Commissioner António Guterres. Totally bad-ass.