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Gwyneth Paltrow Does Have Sex And Needs You To Know It

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In her new interview with Self magazine, Gwyneth Paltrow makes a point of assuring us that she does indeed have sex, even though she's 'an intelligent being.'

Now, let's decide what is more shocking - that she has sex, or that she would see a conflict between IQ and libido?

Time and again, we have wondered just how much Gwyneth needs to be hated before she feels satisfied.

Evidently, she is insatiable in the hate department. Sexually, we don't want to know.

Well, too bad for us. Gwyneth wants us to know stuff about her, god damn it, and it just keeps coming, like a pestilence.

Here is Gwyneth addressing the issue of sex:

We have this idea that you can’t be a mother and a businesswoman and like to have sex! How is an intelligent woman a sexual being? It’s really hard to integrate those.  Like, ‘Gwyneth has sex? Really?’ It doesn’t seem to go together. But I think it’s important, as mothers and as women contributing to society in whatever way we each are, that our true sexuality doesn’t get lost or put aside.

Aha, who knew that intelligence and sex don't seem to go together? Personally, I sort of insist on having them together, but that's me. Maybe I'm kind of Gwynethy without realizing it!

On the subject of trying to relax, Gwyneth really gets worked up;

I have yet to meet someone who isn’t burdened with hyperresponsibility!

That's funny, no one I know has this burden, so whew, I'm not Gwynethy after all. But let her explain:

Everyone is suffering from this sense of ‘I have to do it all and I have to do it perfectly. It’s all my friends, all my colleagues: We try to do everything to such a high standard. And I’m like, Where did we get this from? Because I’m f—ing exhausted!

POOR THING..

This is where the Gwyneth 'Please Hate Me' Paltrow kicks in.

The clueless privileged whining about her need for perfection combined with allusions to her important high-powered friends.

We used to think that she just can't help herself from blurting out these provocations but now we know better. It is a bold play for more hate (see TROLL).

If for some reason these efforts aren't really registering with you, how about her ridiculous sexist views on her children?

My daughter has the most beautiful feminine energy, and it’s cool to be around that. It keeps me in the spirit of youth and growth.

She, she even sees her kids as vehicles for her own benefit, something that can be exploited for maximum utility! And here's how savvy she is:

If I make my kids something delicious and we sit down to eat it, and I put my phone away and I really listen, that is such money in the bank.

Take note, mothers! Money in the bank.

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