The hardest part of adult life—other than health insurance, inflation, student loan debt, and imminent climate disaster—is not being able to embrace the full-body terror and joy of Halloween like you could in childhood.

From disturbing PG-rated Nickelodeon cartoons to the good old days before every costume was bastardized with a "sexy" version, Halloween should be the time of year we embrace our inner witch, demon, zombie, or punny Optimus-Amazon-Prime identities.

But you can't. Since Halloween falls on a boring Thursday this year, you'll probably be stuck working or trying to supervise hellish children so they don't die or get kidnapped or whatever. So while you're stuck at the office, or holding a smelly plastic orange pumpkin full of stale chocolate eyeballs, or holding a smelly child's hand while he fills an orange plastic pumpkin with stale chocolate eyeballs, you should listen to these creepy and chilling podcasts. Some are true crime stories, some are urban legends, and some are real-life unexplained events from listeners' traumatic childhoods, but all of them set the mood for the perfect adult Halloween: sleepless, paranoid, and full of f-bombs.

Last Podcast on the Left

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Last Podcast on the Left

The three hosts of this comedy podcast are longtime friends and fans of the occult, conspiracy theories, cult leaders, and serial killer mythos. From UFO abductions and Europe's most disastrous exorcisms to the bloodshed of Norwegian Black Metal bands and unsolved murders, Last Podcast on the Left has literally hundreds of episodes. Listen to host Ben Kissel, researcher and co-host Ben Marcus Parks, and comedian and actor Henry Zebrowsi entertain each other while exchanging friendly tales about cannibalism and axe murderers.