RESEARCH QUESTION: Has the popular Miami rapper Pitbull (née Armando Pérez, also known as "Mr. Worldwide" and "Mr. 305") ever had sex?
HYPOTHESIS: Pitbull has not actually ever had sex, and like Eric Idle in the Monty Python sketch "Nudge Nudge," he has affected the pose of a promiscuous man-about-town to cover up this inexperience.
EXPERIMENT: We will examine Pitbull's filthiest lyrics to judge whether the rapper's descriptions of sexual activity seem born out of real human experience, or whether they could instead have been provided through a working knowledge of Southern rap, soft-core adult entertainment and Maxim magazine.
Test 1: "She's Freaky"
One time for my freaks That know what to do when I
Skeet, Skeet! That like it
Hard, rough, face down, ass up
In the first verse of one of his earliest hits, Pitbull explains his sexual interests to the listener, proclaiming himself a "freak" who possesses many outrageous desires. But a careful reading shows that all of Pitbull's ostensible expertise is derived from the lyrics of other rap songs. "Skeet skeet" as a synonym for climax comes from the work of Lil John (who, coincidentally or not, appears on Pitbull's first album) while "Face down, ass up" was of course the preferred sexual position of 2 Live Crew. Is Pitbull, like the stereotypical high-school virgin, simply appropriating the jargon of his more experienced peers in an attempt to blend in?
You got it going on, just pull up your skirt I know what to do with your thong!
I'ma pull it to the side and rub it down right
Let me know if I'm wrong!
Later in the song, Pitbull once again speaks boldly of his sexual experience—but is he perhaps protesting too much? "I know what to do," he announces, as if rebutting some unaddressed charge. Beneath his seductive bluster, though, it turns out there's a familiar insecurity: "Let me know if I'm wrong." He's giving himself an out, you see, without ever having to admit he might not have known what he was talking about.
Test 2: "Hotel Room Service"
Bring your girls, It's whatever tonight,
Your man just left,
I'm the plumber tonight,
Let me check your pipes,
Oh, you're the healthy type.
Well, here goes some egg whites.
Released after Pitbull had made the jump to mainstream fame, "Hotel Room Service" strikes many of the common notes in the entertainer's star narrative: Pitbull is a sexually experienced man who travels a lot, thus women will congregate at his various hotel rooms hoping for the chance to have sex with him. But check the language: a woman's privates is her "pipes," Pitbull's junk juice is "egg whites." While certainly there exists somewhere a sexually-mature adult who talks like this, this seems more like secondhand jargon gleaned from a middle-school lunch table than observations born out of lived experience.
Test 3: "Dance Again"
No way Jose Your girl only go one way? Ay mi madre!
In this verse from Pitbull's collaboration with Jennifer Lopez, we see the rapper express surprise and disappointment that his friend's partner will not take part in the performative bisexuality that Pitbull clearly expects of his own female companions. While this sort of voyeuristic homophilia does exist in the real world, it is usually not so common that a refusal to take part would be a reasonable dealbreaker for most people. Where it is ubiquitous, though, is in the world of adult entertainment, where two women cannot exist in the same room without eventually sharing some kind of sapphic embrace. More evidence that Pitbull's ideas about sex come from anything other than interactions with real-life women?
Modern day Hugh Hef (uh, yes) Playboy to the death (uh, yes)
It's interesting, to say the least, that of all the legendary lovers Pitbull could compare himself to, he chose a late-blooming virgin whose greatest feat was selling a very specific idea of sex to the teenage American male, a vision of bachelorhood in which a willing female was just one more accessory in a luxurious lifestyle of fine liquor, expensive suits and globe travel. That Pitbull has modeled his star image on a fantasy aimed primarily at 14-year-old boys is not lost on us.
ANALYSIS: Barring a personal confession from the rapper himself (or, slightly more likely, a paternity test) it may be impossible to conclusively prove whether or not Pitbull is sexually active. But after multiple tests we can definitely say this: While Pitbull's sexual history may outstrip that of the average seventh-grader, his creative mind has stayed safely back in those innocent days when sex was still an exotic mystery seen only at a distance, rather than a messy real-life experience full of adult complications. For his masterful depiction of that mindset, maybe, Pitbull should be applauded.
The quarterback said "I will never agree with anybody disrespecting the flag of the United States of America or our country." And then he tried to apologize. And only made it worse.
Drew Brees, a man who makes literally millions of dollars for throwing a ball, has come under fire for insensitive comments he made about NFL players kneeling during the National Anthem to protest police brutality.
"I will never agree with anybody disrespecting the flag of the United States of America or our country," Brees said in the interview with Yahoo Finance. He clarified that this was in part because he envisioned his grandfathers, who fought in World War II, during the National Anthem. He continued, saying, "And is everything right with our country right now? No. It's not. We still have a long way to go. But I think what you do by standing there and showing respect to the flag with your hand over your heart, is it shows unity. It shows that we are all in this together. We can all do better. And that we are all part of the solution."
This isn't the first time Brees made it clear that he cares more for the idea of a make-believe unified America than he does for actual human lives. In 2016, he criticized Colin Kaepernick for kneeling during the anthem, saying it was "disrespectful to the American flag" and "an oxymoron" because the flag gave critics the right to speak out in the first place.
Colin Kaepernick kneeling in protest of racist police brutality
Of course, the flag's alleged ideals have been proven to only be applicable to wealthy, white men—men like Brees. Sure, his grandfathers did a noble thing when they fought under the US flag during WWII, and no one, including Kaepernick, has ever said that sacrifice isn't worth respecting. Thanks to the sacrifices of many people (including the enslaved Black backs upon which this country was built, including the scores of routinely abused Black soldiers who fought for American lives), America has offered opportunity and peace for many, many people. In particular, Ole' Glory has been very kind to men like Brees: rich, white men who still control the majority of the power and the wealth in the United States.
But what about the rest of us, Drew? What about George Floyd whose neck was crushed by a police officer who kneeled on him so casually that he didn't even take his hand out of his pocket? What about Ahmaud Arbery, who was shot for the crime of being Black and going for a jog? What about Breonna Taylor, a black woman who was murdered by police in her home in the middle of the night for a crime that had nothing to do with her? What about Tony McDade, Drew–have you heard his name? Have you heard about the 38-year-old Black trans man who was gunned down in Florida last week? Do you understand why these people's family's may harbor just a bit of disrespect for your precious flag?
Is it possible for you to realize, Drew, that your wish for "unity" is not a wish for progress, but a wish to maintain the status quo? When you call for unity under the American flag, you're talking about your flag, the flag that represents a long, sordid history of racial oppression and violence. There is no unity where there is no justice. When you say that "we are all in this together," what you're saying is that we all have roles to play in the version of society that has served you so well. For your part, you'll be a rich, white man, and for Black people's part, they'll continue to be victims of state-sanctioned murders– but hopefully more quietly, hopefully in a manner that doesn't make you uncomfortable?
When you say, "We can all do better. And that we are all part of the solution," what you mean to say is that POC and their allies are at fault. Sure, you probably agree that Derek Chauvin took it a bit too far, and you probably feel a little self-conscious that he's brought all this "Black rights" stuff up again. But when you say "all," you place blame on the victims who are dying under a broken system. And what, exactly, do you expect POC to do differently, Drew? Ahmaud Arbery was just out jogging, and still he died. George Floyd was just trying to pay a cashier, and still he died. POC and their allies try to peacefully protest by marching in the streets or taking a knee at a football game, and still white people condemn and criticize. Still the police shoot.
After much criticism, Brees did attempt an apology on Instagram, where he posted a hilariously corny stock photo of a Black and white hand clasped together. His caption, though possibly well-intentioned, made it even clearer that his understanding of the movement for Black lives is thoroughly lacking.
Highlights of the "apology" include his immediate attempt to exonerate himself from culpability, claiming that his words were misconstrued, saying of his previous statement: "Those words have become divisive and hurtful and have misled people into believing that somehow I am an enemy. This could not be further from the truth, and is not an accurate reflection of my heart or my character." Unfortunately, Drew, white people like you are the "enemy," as you put it, because by default you are at the very least part of the problem. No one is accusing you of being an overt racist, Drew; no one thinks you actively and consciously detest Black people. But your lack of empathy, your apathy, and your unwillingness to unlearn your own biases are precisely what has persisted in the hearts and minds of well-meaning white Americans for centuries.
Next, you say, "I recognize that I am part of the solution and can be a leader for the Black community in this movement." No, Drew. Just no. Black people don't need white people's savior complexes to interfere in their organizing; what they need is for us to shut up and listen. What they need is for us to get our knees off of their necks.
Finally, you say, "I have ALWAYS been an ally, never an enemy." This, Drew, is suspiciously similar to saying, "But I'm one of the good whites!" The fact of the matter is that feeling the need to prove your allyship is not about helping a movement; it's about feeding your own ego. Not only that, but your emphasis on "ALWAYS" does a pretty good job of making it clear that you don't think you have a racist bone in your body and that you have taken great offense at any accusations to the contrary. I have some news for you, Drew: Every white person is racist. Sure, the levels vary, and while you may not be actively and consciously discriminating against POC, you have been brought up in a racist system, and your implicit biases are as strong as any other white person's. Your job now is to unlearn those biases and confront those subtle prejudices in yourself and in other white people. Maybe the first step in doing so is just shutting your f*cking mouth about kneeling at football games. Maybe you should even consider taking a knee yourself.
For other non-BIPOC trying to be better allies, check out one of these 68+ anti-racism resources.
We're glad they're on our side.
The world is up against a seemingly insurmountable threat, but luckily, we've got a crack team of heroes on the case.
Sure, there's already the girl with super strength, the guy who can fly, and the anthropomorphic, trash-talking animal tailor-made for merchandise. But this is a threat of intergalactic proportions, and we're going to need all the help we can get if we want to survive.
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