As a public service, I want to help Lana Del Rey avoid signing up for Christian Mingle by finding her a new boyfriend ASAP. The news of her break-up with her fiance, Barrie-James O'Neill, a Gloomy Gus to her Debbie Downer, has me thinking she should look for someone with a sunnier disposition.

What about James Franco? He looks happy, doesn't he? He's always smiling, even though most people hate him. This kind of resilient temperament might be just what Lana needs, what with all her I Wish I Was Dead Already complaining.

Or, what about John Mayer? Then she'd  really have something to complain about, right? She could call Katy Perry and Taylor swift and they could have their own support group or just go to Sephora together!

What about that awful Robin Thicke? He's single now. No, never mind, he misses his wife or something.

Okay, Jared Leto! He looks like a happy camper. This could be a great match. He looks like someone who isn't hoping to die any time soon. Plus, he's a musician. I'm getting excited about this. The only problem is if he's a tiny bit nuts, but come on, who can you truthfully say isn't a tiny bit nuts?

I've done the hard part. Now it's up to you.

 

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