(Soulless corporation) is rebooting (classic movie from my childhood). Frankly, this makes me sick.
Disney just announced their new slate of upcoming remakes for their new Disney+ streaming platform, and people are mad.
How could Disney even think to reboot Home Alone, Night at the Museum, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and Cheaper by the Dozen?
disney really has the audacity to reboot home alone and night at the museum??? https://t.co/tEUMKop7HX— frank castle’s whore (@frank castle’s whore)1565142328.0
People are losing their minds on Twitter about Home Alone, but the truth is that I don't care anymore. I feel like every other day I'm writing a new hot take on this or that stupid movie, and I need to be honest with myself. I'm tired and I just don't care. So I've created the perfect Mad Libs-style template for all future movie reboot outrage. Please use this in perpetuity for any and all movie reboots that make you angry:
20th Century Fox
This is the worst news ever––the absolute worst! (Soulless corporation) is rebooting (classic movie from my childhood). Frankly, this makes me sick. Why does (soulless corporation) want to ruin my childhood? Who is this movie even for?
First of all, fans of (classic movie from my childhood) did not ask for a reboot. We're perfectly happy with the film as-is. How could any reboot top (nostalgia-tinted scene that does not hold up in retrospect)? What actor would they possibly cast to even come close to (actor who has not been relevant for over a decade)'s iconic performance as (my favorite character)? Nobody, that's who!
It breaks my heart to think that kids who never even saw (classic movie from my childhood) will grow up with a different version than the one I did. Imagine one of them actually thinking that (minor difference nobody actually cares about)! Changes like that perfectly illustrate why nobody should ever touch (classic movie from my childhood) and how our culture has really gone down the drain.
Anybody who wants to see the new (classic movie from my childhood) is a mindless drone with poor taste in movies. It's a shame, too, because people like that are the whole reason (soulless corporation) keeps making reboots––because they know that stupid people will keep paying to see them!
Home Alone Trailer www.youtube.com
And yes, I realize that (soulless corporation) only exists to make money. But that doesn't mean they shouldn't consider what the real fans want. After all, (statement explaining how my own identity is tied to soulless corporation) and (statement proving that I actually have no idea how soulless corporation's business model works).
Now, just for a second, imagine if instead of (soulless corporation) rebooting (classic movie from my childhood), they did a spin-off movie about (my favorite character)? It would be all about (poorly crafted fan fiction idea involving my favorite character) and they could get (actor who has not been relevant for over a decade) to actually reprise the role. Now that would be amazing! Too bad (soulless corporation) will never do (what I want), because they don't actually care about (group who shares my opinions and whose cultural weight I vastly overestimate).
In short, I'm very mad about the reboot of (classic movie from my childhood), and I just know it's going to suck so bad. I'll probably end up seeing it, too, but only to (excuse justifying why my viewership of the movie is not hypocritical).
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If you're mad because "Batwoman was never black," there's something you need to know...
TV's newest incarnation of Batwoman, Ryan Wilder, is Black.
The CW's Batwoman has always had a progressive streak. In the first season, Orange Is the New Black alum Ruby Rose plays Kate Kane, Bruce Wayne's cousin who dons the Batwoman cowl to protect Gotham City. Just like every other superhero show, Kate's romantic life factors into the plot. Unlike the rest, however, Kate is an out lesbian, making her the first leading lesbian superhero in television history.
But after the first season, Ruby Rose announced that she was leaving Batwoman for unspecified reasons, allegedly related to burnout from the ridiculously long work hours required from a superhero series lead. This meant that in order for Batwoman to continue, the CW would need a new star.
Enter Javicia Leslie, former co-star of CBS comedy-drama God Unfriended Me. Prior to Leslie's casting, fans of the show wondered how Batwoman might handle the transition of actresses. Would Kate Kane just look completely different in season 2 with no canonical explanation?
Nope. As it turns out, Javicia Leslie's Batwoman will be an entirely new character: Ryan Wilder.
The rocker celebrates his 45th birthday today
Jack White almost became a priest.
But then again, did he? The iconic rocker has regularly beguiled the press. "I'd got accepted to a seminary in Wisconsin," he told 60 Minutes Mike Wallace back in 2005 in what seemed like a moment of genuine candor. "At the last second, I thought, 'I'll just go to public school."
Whether you believe that story or not, the blues-rock polymath, who turns 45 today, has led an undeniably punk life and crafted some of the most sacred rock music in history. Two decades after The White Stripes' self-titled debut, Jack White has remained purposefully slippery with the public. He told publications that he and Meg White, his then-wife and White Stripes-cohort, were the youngest of ten siblings and claimed that his label, Third Man Records, used to be a candy company, among other outlandish claims.