If this was 2002 coming up within 12 hours and not 2012, and you heard that DMX had recently had a run-in with the cops, you'd probably assume it involved one (or more) of three things—drugs, weapons, or criminal impersonation of a police officer. But this is a different time, and a different Dark Man X—the only violations that X are perpetrating these days are petty traffic ones. TMZ reports that Earl Simmons' run-in with Johnny Law last week was simply over his failure to properly fasten his seat belt. Nothing escalated from there, and Simmons was not arrested, questioned or further harassed by the fuzz. "Just a minor ticket no biggie," says the X Man. A quick learning lesson about not wearing a seat belt. I will handle and pay for it...This would be the only reason I come in contact with the police because I am a changed man."

Wow, a headline involving DMX and the police with no drama or craziness attached to it. We don't even need to sound the Party Up alarm for this—truly, a holiday miracle. Happy New Year's, everybody, and may your 2012 be as free of strife as X's surely will be.