Who's the semi-toxic ex behind Taylor Swift's "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together"? Beyond the facts--he mopes around to indie records, he mumbles into the phone "I still love you," they are never, ever, ever getting back together--nobody knows. We don't know. It's possible even he doesn't know.

Joe Jonas doesn't know. He was never really in the running, anyway, given the timeline Swift mentioned for the song. But he denied it to radio station 94.7 Fresh FM anyway, because he's on the dossier of Swift exes, which means he's automatically going to get asked that question:

I can say it's not about me, because I don't think we've ever tried another time. ...I can tell you it's not about me ... I like the song. That said, I think the song is great ...Taylor does pop music really well and I'm happy for her.

Pretty unambiguous, yes? If Jonas made country, not post-Disney music, that "Taylor does pop music really well" line would be a stealth jab, but nope: this is just professionalism.

Expect several more of these stories over the next week or so, but just keep in mind: the bar is high. Remember the last big breakup song? (I mean, you probably do still remember "Rolling in the Deep," right?) That story had lawsuits, secret and mistaken identities, and a guy named Slinky Sunbeam.