All you religious groups can calm down now about "Judas" and its mortar-and-pestled Catholicism. The song's not about religion at all! Nope, it's just Lady Gaga equating ex-boyfriend Luc Carl with the ultimate betrayer. That's so much better!

Jeez. Taylor Swift might have an extensive dossier of every ex in every song of hers ("The Story of Us"? John Mayer.), but at least she keeps the damned out of things. Lady Gaga, not so much. In a MTV UK interview, she spilled the following beans:

"I've had a lot of ex-boyfriends betray me -- assholes, we all have them ... I began to write a song about an ex-lover who betrayed me, who loved heavy metal music. And then I thought about the biblical implications and how Judas was the betrayer. And once I thought about what I wanted to do with the video ... Judas didn't really betray Christ because he was part of the prophecy. So I thought a more liberating way to tackle the message of the song -- we attack the idea by saying my ex-betrayed me and this person haunts me, but I forgive them."

This quote is a bit rambling. Let's break down Gaga's logic here:

1. Asshole breaks up with Lady Gaga via unspecified "betrayal."

2. Asshole liked heavy metal music. (Judging by Born This Way, so does Gaga, but never mind that.)

3. What are the biblical implications of heavy metal music? Judas! I mean, I don't even. Judas Priest, maybe? That one verse in Leviticus saying not to make "metal gods" for yourself?

4. But Judas was part of the prophecy, making his betrayal A-OK. Which also makes Lady Gaga the equivalent of Jesus. We're shocked that comparison didn't come sooner.

5. And all of this relates to the lyrics of "Judas" somehow.

6. Which actually works; the lyrics resonate more when they apply to a real person instead of stitched-together Biblical figures. It adds an extra level of angst to "I cling to," for instance.

Of course, there's still the matter of Lady Gaga comparing her ex to Judas. You just don't do that, you know? No matter how bad a romance you had.