pump rules short dick man Love, Lies, A Short Dick Man—Just Business As Usual In PumpRules World
A short dick man, love, lies, grudges, a huge shit—it was just business as usual for PumpRules again this week.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, we officially said goodbye to the ring on the string:
As Popdust previously reported, last week, Tom Schwartz finally popped the question to his girlfriend Katie Maloney. The excitement was very much still in the air as the two continued to celebrate their engagement.
Katie’s former best friend, Stassi Schroeder, even reached out to send her well wishes. This is just a hint at what’s to come. It’s been no secret that Stassi will be returning this season, but it’s unsure as to her motives for coming back.
Katie acknowledged the text and thanked her for thinking of them. Katie has repeatedly said she has no desire to rekindle her friendship with Stassi, but she said the same thing about Kristen Doute, who she is now friends with again. You honestly need to keep a scorecard and a flow chart when it comes to this crew's friendships.
It’s been weeks and we’re still talking about the fucking guest list for the Hawaii trip.
They’re acting like this is a very exclusive guest list when in reality you just need to be a delusional, borderline alcoholic, and certified psycho to be invited.
Kristen officially got the ax because Tom Sandoval and Ariana Madix refused to go on a birthday trip with her. Hey, fair enough. I mean who really wants to spend their birthday with their ex? However, Kristen is like a bad case of the Herp. She’s hard to get to go away. They might just need to accept that homegirl ain’t leaving.
James Kennedy, who literally needs to be put in a cage, has been spending a majority of his time finagling his way onto the guest list for this trip. How does he have the time when he’s so busy being the biggest self-proclaimed DJ in the world (and when I say world, I mean a restaurant on Robertson Blvd)? He’s trying his hardest to get invited because he so desperately wants to hook up with Lala Kent.
Lisa Vanderpump’s son, Max, who is also friendly with James (Lord knows why) is going to Hawaii, so James is trying to use him as an excuse to tag along. He decided to suck up to Jax Taylor in order to get invited. Jax agreed as long as James promised not to be a drunk slob. There’s about a 0% chance of James being anything less than a sloppy asshole, so Jax is a certified moron. This is all a part of James’ plan to bang Lala, who is equally next level disgusting as her little British boy toy.
Jax invited Ariana to his birthday lunch, but warned her that Kristen would also be in attendance. In typical Ariana “I don’t give a flying fuck” fashion, she shrugged her shoulders and said she doesn’t care about the guest list.
Scheana Shay has made no secret about the fact that she thinks Ariana has been difficult about the Kristen situation. She thinks she needs to let it go and move on. She confronted Ariana at SUR and basically told her she’s being extremely negative and making a big deal about the littlest things. Scheana loves to get involved in everyone’s issues except her own. She needs a hobby.
Scheana then went swimsuit shopping with Lala and Faith for Hawaii. Lala confessed that she loves making out with James. Why? Who the hell knows. She also dropped the best bomb of them all—his dick is too small for her liking. I think a blind kid could have figured that one out. He weighs approximately 14 lbs total and wears clothes that he probably got from Baby Gap. Nothing about that screams Magnum-worthy to anyone.
Lala also talked about how she can’t stop flirting with Jax. Granted, Jax is a major sleaze ball and was trying to bang her in the middle of the bar. Lala said she would have never flirted with him if she knew his girlfriend, Brittany Cartwright, was driving from Kentucky to move in with him in LA. Long story short, Lala’s cool with Jax having hoes in different area codes.
Over at Jax’s place, Brittany was organizing her things while Jax sat on the toilet and took a massive shit. Scheana told Brittany everything that Lala said, which obviously didn’t go over so well considering she just moved across the country to move into his studio apartment that could be featured on an episode of Hoarders.
Jax claimed he never led Lala on, even though Brittany knew they were touching each other all night. Brittany basically just gave him the death stare and told him she would have a nice little chat with Lala in Hawaii.
Kristen went over to Katie’s house to celebrate her engagement. Because they just started talking again, Kristen wasn’t there for the actual proposal. While there, she revealed that she and Stassi are now friends again. What the fuck? I thought Stassi slapped the shit out of her and called it a day. Apparently not.
It was finally Jax’s birthday lunch.
The gang, including Kristen, were all in attendance. How many times must we celebrate this mother fucker’s birthday? I’m getting Stassi vibes circa season 1.
Kristen decided she was going to talk to Tom and bury the hatchet. To her credit, she really does seem like she’s mellowed out. Perhaps a shit ton of Xanax and a few bottles of wine have something to do with it, but I think she’s gotten off the crazy train………..for now.
She followed Tom out of the restaurant like a bat out of hell. She basically threatened him to get the fuck over it because she’s not going anywhere. She also told him that she was going to be around for Katie’s ENTIRE wedding planning process because they’ve been friends again for five minutes and that’s what five minute friends do. They went back and forth about this, that, and the next.
Long story short, Tom thinks Kristen is a raging lunatic fit for a straight jacket and Kristen is ready to sing Kumbaya by the campfire. Tom looked slightly terrified, but the conversation didn’t end in tears or fists being thrown so it was a success in that respect.
Back at the table, Scheana revealed that Max, Lisa’s son, recently had an accident where he knocked out all his teeth. Scheana was like a pig in shit when she heard this because she also had a major teeth trauma incident and now thinks she is basically the best oral surgeon in the game. How can you forget the drama surrounding Scheana and her mother fucking tooth?
Anyway, she said that James actually did something good for once in his life and caught his fall, which prevented even worse damage. However, she then went on to tell the table that Lala said homeboy has a small dick. Casual dinner conversation. She then decided to take her talents into another room to have a chat with Katie and Ariana.
Katie and Scheana basically told her that they do not understand why she won’t just accept that Kristen is a part of the group, but Ariana stood her ground. It’s no surprise to anyone who’s been watching the show that Ariana hasn’t been herself this season. But hey, if your best friends were forcing you to be friends with your boyfriend’s psychotic ex-girlfriend, would you be that nice?
Katie and Scheana’s weird attempt at a heart to heart basically ended with them comparing her to Stassi for holding grudges and completely cutting people out of her life.
While the rest of the group is at Jax’s birthday lunch, Lala, James, and Faith went to visit Max after his surgery. The visit started with the housekeeper bringing them tea in bed, but quickly turned wild when Lala decided to take her clothes off and go swimming. Ya know, because most people choose to swim naked in their boss’ home swimming pool. Not to mention her boss is Queen Lisa Fucking Vanderpump.
I’m sorry, but Lala is the Queen Skank and she knows it. At least we know that the Vanderpumps have a pool boy on their payroll to disinfect that water immediately.
Things are definitely starting to heat up. With the Hawaii trip just around the corner and Stassi’s much anticipated return, something tells us that the craziness has just begun.
Vanderpump Rules airs every Monday at 9pm on Bravo.
Sometimes you've just got to get yourself that Winter Candy Apple and Iced Gingerbread.
I hope Jen from Appleton, Wisconsin is doing well these days.
As for Angela, the star of the best Bath & Body Works rant of all time (and there are surprisingly many on YouTube), I hope she's living a Winter Candy Apple-scented life to the fullest.
In 2012, the aspiring vlogger posted a rant about her dire mission to acquire two coveted candles from Bath & Body Works: Winter Candy Apple and Iced Gingerbread. The outstanding 11-minute video recounts her harrowing journey to the store in APPLETON, WISCONSIN (it's very important the store is called out for their heinous treatment of Angela).
After the video was discovered and spread across Tumblr, it was recognized as a cultural masterpiece of our time, a treatise on the frailty of the human condition and our undying perseverance to end our own suffering at any cost.
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It's an unprecedented time for brand deals and nonsensical collaborations
I'm convinced that the Supreme Oreos that terrorized the internet (and which I haven't stopped thinking about since) were the cultural reset.
Released in February 2020, right as everything started to go wrong, these bright red Supreme Oreos were met with equally visceral confusion and anticipation. Despite many on the internet claiming that Supreme and Oreo had gone too far, the 3-pack of Oreos inevitably sold out in minutes online.
It seems Oreo have not learned their lesson. Just announced: their collaboration with Lady Gaga
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Life is short, go for a bold eye like Jules.
From Rue's grungy over-sized aesthetic to Jules' femme futuristic looks, there are plenty of outfits shown throughout the series to inspire you to reinvent your whole wardrobe. Not to mention the makeup looks, which are so unique and striking as to have inspired hundreds of Halloween costumes last year. But why reserve a neon eye shadow or sequin eyelid look for Halloween when you can channel your inner Maddie or Jules all year long?
Euphoria Season 2 may be a few months away, but HBO is releasing two special episodes much sooner. The first of these specials, "Trouble Don't Last Always," focuses on Rue (played by Zendaya) and just dropped on HBO Max. To celebrate, we've listed some of the most essential cosmetic products to help you make your Euphoria-inspired makeup dreams come true—no drugs required.
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Here's what to stream this weekend.
If you're anything like us, you're probably overwhelmed by the sheer number of albums being released on a weekly basis.
Popdust's weekly column, Indie Roundup, finds the five best albums coming out each week so that you don't have to. Every Friday, we'll tell you what's worth listening to that might not already be on your radar.
Jordana, Something to Say to You<iframe src="https://embed.spotify.com/?uri=spotify:album:2A6VsLoEwhNrIX1PnxSNoL" id="43d23" frameborder="0" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="c0e2765824817964f2530f04b869de70" expand="1" height="480" width="100%"></iframe><p>Inspired by 2000s indie rock as much as current rap heroes like Lil Uzi Vert, Jordana Nye's second full-length album, <em>Something to Say to You,</em> is a chameleonic collection of lo-fi bedroom pop. After her early SoundCloud releases caught the ears of New York indie label Grand Jury, Jordana's sound has leveled up — wavering between layered electronica and acoustic ballads — without ever losing her homespun charm.</p>
Dogleg / Worst Party Ever, Go EP<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vbWVkaWEucmJsLm1zL2ltYWdlP3U9JTJGaW1hZ2UlMkZhYjY3NzA2YzAwMDBiZWJiMjVhYjkzNTkxNDJkYWViM2IzMzEyZDY5JmhvPWh0dHBzJTNBJTJGJTJGaS5zY2RuLmNvJnM9MzQ4Jmg9NTQ5MWIwMzBiZjA5ODIwMjlhOGExMjc4OGY2ZDdkN2JmMzRiMjFiOGE5Njk1MTZkYzczN2FlZTgzOTdmYjFjNiZzaXplPTk4MHgmYz0xNjQxNTAwMjA2IiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNjI2NjkyMn0.bm0HvEP0OlqD3CA4ZqtRJWHYLPhNQb8X6X9Lzt6zIKM/img.jpg" id="3c88f" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="b9aae84184b12a4b2de84b15b1052ff0" />Dogleg x Worst Party Ever - "GO"
Winston C.W., Good Guess<iframe src="https://embed.spotify.com/?uri=spotify:album:76e0yvuj6mQqf9A4l2MxR1" id="32d8f" frameborder="0" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="21bd6eeae038c3dd0c92abde74a04988" expand="1" height="480" width="100%"></iframe><p>Winston Cook-Wilson is a songwriter, music journalist, and frontman of the Brooklyn rock band Office Culture. On his latest release under the moniker Winston C.W., <em>Good Guess, </em>Cook-Wilson takes a quieter approach, with his jazzy piano and vocals backed by upright bassist Carmen Rothwell and guitarist Ryan Beckley. At once intimate and spacious, <em>Good Guess </em>acts as Cook-Wilson's reflection on a period of personal turmoil last year in a fitting soundtrack to healing.</p>
Drakeo the Ruler, We Know the Truth<iframe src="https://embed.spotify.com/?uri=spotify:album:3JHBh2GhfyEDtV9n2sSy77" id="fd6b0" frameborder="0" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="9c28db37b4280421677b5cec637ac060" expand="1" height="480" width="100%"></iframe><p>In November, when most of America was awaiting the results of the 2020 presidential election, Darrell Caldwell—the Los Angeles-based rapper known as Drakeo the Ruler — was <a href="https://www.npr.org/2020/12/01/940814717/drakeo-the-ruler-less-than-a-month-out-of-prison-releases-we-know-the-truth" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">released from prison</a> following years of institutional corruption at the hands of Los Angeles' District Attorney, Jackie Lacey.</p><p>Less than a month later, Drakeo has released his latest full-length project, <em>We Know the Truth, </em>a collection of gritty West Coast hip-hop that feels like a culmination of the rapper's emotions while behind bars. He wrote all the lyrics while in prison.</p>
Joan of Arc, Tim Melina Theo Bobby<iframe src="https://embed.spotify.com/?uri=spotify:album:741roIjrflAKmW4Cxe1U3K" id="310d5" frameborder="0" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="915b9785440a12cb635fe3eb4c3acd29" expand="1" height="480" width="100%"></iframe><p>Joan of Arc were one of the most polarizing bands to emerge from <a href="https://www.popdust.com/essential-emo-albums-2645236632.html?share_id=5564901" target="_self">emo's second wave</a> around the turn of the century. Formed by frontman Tim Kinsella after the dissolution of his short-lived yet highly influential band Cap'n Jazz, Joan of Arc offered a more experimental interpretation of the genre. </p> <p>Kinsella's knack for challenging expectations is still prevalent today on the band's final album, <em>Tim Melina Theo Bobby. </em>Idiosyncratic, evocative, and sprawling, the record helps memorialize the legacy of a band whose impact was often overlooked in its heyday.</p>
Boba's back and our heroes lose. Season 2 just went full Empire Strikes Back.
With only two more episodes left in the season, The Mandalorian kick-started the final narrative arc with an explosive new entry.
The Mandalorian "Chapter 14: The Tragedy" premiered Friday, December 4th on Disney+. We're going to breakdown and explain all the major moments in this episode as well as its implications for the future of Season 2 and the series as a whole. It's all spoilers from this point forward. Do yourself a favor, watch Season 2, Episode 6, and come back!
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