Man Dies After Having Sex With Scarecrow Dressed In Wig, Lipstick And Strap-On

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Sometimes it’s hard to get laid.

Far too many people swipe left and then you’re forced to improvise, like Jose Alberto, who improvised himself to death.

The desperate Argentinian met his maker after dressing-up a scarecrow in lipstick and a wig; strapping a dildo on it; and making sweet love to It….Her…Him…Whatever.

The resourceful 58-year-old was found dead in his San Jose de Balcare home, lying next to his straw lover, after neighbors complained of a foul smell coming from his property, Britain’s The Mirror reports.

"I initially thought there were two bodies but then I realized one was a scarecrow wearing lipstick and a long-haired wig,” police spokesman Rodolfo Moure told reporters.

"It was lying next to the deceased and had a six-inch strap-on penis. There were no signs of violence and we are working on the assumption that the man died during sex with the scarecrow.

"Straw had been stuffed inside the old clothes that had been sewn together to make the scarecrow.”

When Alberto wasn’t effing scarecrows he was effing…er…..sheep… maybe…probably…perhaps…

I mean, he was a shepherd and known as a “loner”, so go figure…

At time of posting, autopsy results had not been released.