The new it couple: Jennifer and Sock Monkee heat things up in the office

Popdust 06/02/17

Possessive smothery guys suck. They're always blowing up your phone with text messages, thinking you're out banging other guys. No, boys, it's not cute. It's pathetic.

Jennifer is in such a predicament with Max. Now, her first mistake was to trust a guy who thinks fedoras are still cool (they were never cool). After a couple of therapy sessions with Sock Monkee, he's not budging. And then things start to get weird when Sock Monkee starts messing with Max in a way only a sock monkey could do. Just watch.

Sock Monkee is a tricky little fuck. While Jennifer is spouting on and on about how Max doesn't listen to her and thinks of her as his "property" now that they're engaged, Max swears he sees Sock Monkee taunting him. Jennifer may just be a "piece of work," but maybe it's Max who's the crazy one here. Or, Monkee is gaslighting him, but why?

I would think I'm a little crazy too if a sock showed me his ass then flashed a whole pack of "rubbers." In real life this would sort of be classified as sexual harassment, but on the Internet, it's just hilarious. And Magnums? Apparently, this Monkee is packing.

But is every guy really trying to sleep with Jennifer? I mean, she may dress like a whore but she clearly has a long way to being marriage-material. Like for starters, maybe she shouldn't be emptying her wallet on therapy for a guy who's just going to break up with her.

Fortunately, this story has a sort of happy ending, when we find out the madness behind all of Monkee's taunting: he has the hots for Jennifer himself! The horny little bastard! And yes, it is a little unsettling to see this relationship blossom with champagne that somehow appears out of nowhere. (A Sock Monkee therapist is always prepared to seduce, I imagine.)

Will Monkee and Jennifer take their attraction to the next level? Is this monkey love, or just monkey sex? And did Max have a point that Jennifer is a whore 'cause that's the fastest rebound I've ever seen. Still, Jennifer, I'd watch out. I think you're about to find out why Monkee has handcuffs.

Stay tuned for everyone's favorite: more monkey butts.