Melania Trump denies rumors of plastic surgery and says she will never use Botox in a new interview with GQ.
If her new pack of lies should happen to make her nose grow, she can just whittle the tip as she has done so often, she could use it for a can opener in an emergency.
The future First Lady also reveals that her husband Donald keeps her on a long leash, magnanimously allowing her to take time for a bath if she needs an hour.
Back to the plastic surgery, when asked if it's true she's had breast augmentation, Melania sets the record straight.
I didn't make any changes. A lot of people say I am using all the procedures for my face. I didn't do anything. I live a healthy life, I take care of my skin and my body. I'm against Botox, I'm against injections; I think it's damaging your face, damaging your nerves. It's all me. I will age gracefully, as my mom does.
According to a photographer and longtime roommate, Melania got breast implants to shore up her modeling carer with lingerie ads, but Melania sticks to her story with a Trumpian imperviousness to facts and evidence - a real pro.
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Why should Melania admit to an imperfections or weaknesses? She is a practiced cheerleader for the Donald, assuring the world that he will be a great president and boasting about his leadership qualities:
As you may know by now, when you attack him, he will punch back 10 times harder!
Remember wincing when she said that? It sounded like something she's learned from personal experience, and one almost expected her to reveal a nice bruise or two for emphasis. But she continued, insisting that he would punch everyone equally!
No matter who you are, a man or a woman, he treats everyone equal. He's a fighter, and if you elect him president he will fight for you and our country.
If only Melania could sing Stand By Your Man, even with that accent, America could feel that much more assured that the Donald will take care of us like the brash but generous father figure we're all looking for.
Even if you're not crazy about Donald Trump, how great will it be to have a twenty-first century Zsa Zsa Gabor in the White House?
These Celebs Are Living Breathing 'Just Say No' Campaigns For Plastic Surgery
Big Ang posted this photo of herself on Twitter, which is clearly from a long, long time ago.
Because this is what she looks like now.
And this. Stop going under the knife, lady. Like, for real.
Lil Kim was never normal by anyone's standards, but in 2002, at least she looked relatively surgery free – minus a boob job and maybe a little nip and tuck here and there.
This is the rapper in 2014, obviously with child. I don't know what to say. This is what tragically bad plastic surgery looks like.
And, time for a close up Lil Kim...
Oh, Mickey Rourke! You used to be so fine. Here is the actor from his movie 9 ½ Weeks.
He decided to be a boxer for a bit, and his face got messed up. And then he got lots of work to fix it. And by 2005 he was looking like this.
And then he got even more work done, and by 2013 he was the man formally known as Mickey Rourke.
Nikki Cox has a sweet, natural looking face in 2002.
But by 2009, she looked like a completely different person due to several alleged plastic surgery procedures.
Jocelyn Wildenstein isn't really famous for anything other than being really rich and having really bad plastic surgery. Here she is before the plastic surgeon turned her into a freakshow.
And here she is a few years ago. If you think she looks like a cat, you have totally made her day. Because that was her goal. To look like a cat. Because her former husband loves cats. So shocked that he ended up leaving her.
Here's a lovely full-length image of her with her boyfriend (yes, she actually has one), who is a fashion designer named Lloyd Klein.
Sharon Osbourne is another self-proclaimed plastic surgery addict. Can you believe this is even her? The other person is Ozzy!
And here's what she looks like now. Not bad, eh? But a totally different person!
Meet Jackie Stallone, or should I call her Jacqueline? She is the mother of Sylvester, and believe it or not, she is a psychic. Wonder why she couldn't predict the decline of her face due to plastic surgery? This book cover was released in like 1990 something, but who knows when the photo was actually taken.
Here is the beauty in 2004, doing her best Liz Taylor.
And doing her best drag queen Carrot Top impression
Like mommy, like son. Here is Sylvester when he was sort of hot in Rocky.
And here he is in 2012. But the funny thing is…
In 2014 he looks worse, like maybe he let his regular appoint with the good doctor lapse.
This is Lara Flynn Boyle, who started her career on Twin Peaks in the early 1990s.
Lara Flynn Boyle looked pretty back in 2001 when, for some reason, she was dating Jack Nicholson. This was before she got most of her work done.
In 2003, LFB's lips looked a little plumped up at the Golden Globes, while her body was wasting away
But by 2006, those lips were looking botched.
And 2008, the progression continued.
Until 2013 happened, and (not so) suddenly she wasn't looking so hot. In fact, she was the opposite hot. She became a walking anti-plastic surgery Billboard.
I'm sure Joan Rivers started getting work done WAY before this photo was taken in 2001, but she looks relatively normal back then.
Here's a current photo of old Joan, who has copped to getting like a million procedures done.
However, these days... not so much....
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