Michelle Rodriguez says she “went pretty crazy” after Paul Walker, her dear friend and Fast & Furious co-star was killed in a tragic automobile accident at the age of 40 in November 2013.

The 36 year-old actress told Entertainment Weekly in a new interview;

“I was pushing myself to feel. I felt like nothing I could do could make me feel alive. So I just kept pushing myself harder and harder. I was traveling and I was having sex. And I was just trying to ignore everything that I was feeling.”

Rodriguez was likely having some of that sex with model Cara Delevingne, 22, and actor Zac Efron, 27. The 36 year-old dated both of them in 2014 and was even linked to Justin Bieber after the were spotted partying in Ibiza.

“I actually went on a bit of a binge,” she candidly revealed. “I went crazy a little bit, I went pretty crazy. A lot of the stuff I did last year I would never do had I been in my right mind.”

She added:

“I could see Paul once every two years and just know there was another human on the planet who’s deep like me, who loves like that. When that disappears, you wonder, ‘Wait a minute, what do I hold on to?’ There was nothing to tether me to this existence: ‘Why am I f—ing here? And, like, why’d you leave without me?’”

Fast and Furious co-star Vin Diesel paid homage to his late friend when he named his newborn daughter Pauline.