You: a couple pieces in your creative writing portfolio that the entire class loved. Justin Bieber: two-time author before the age of twenty, and such a magnetic personality that even his parents are getting in on the game. Ponder that. (Ponder this, too: are three books by Biebers anything like writing a novel without the letter P? Is this a good use of the medium? Maybe. What it is, really, is an inevitable use of the medium.)

But let's be a bit more serious. Pattie Mallette, Bieber's mom, will release on Sept. 18 the following book: Nowhere but Up: The Story of Justin Bieber’s Mom. Does "nowhere but up" sound suspiciously downbeat for what's supposed to be a memoir of triumph? It's intentional; the book addresses, as THR reports, "youthful abuse, trauma, and addiction that included a suicide attempt at seventeen," then "how she turned her life around when she found herself single and pregnant with Justin." A portion of the book's proceeds will go to charity, Mallette said.

All more laudable and worthwhile than it could be. If this is being written, though, there should probably be an accompanying memoir by father Jeremy Bieber, also known as the Lord Rauhl. Because aren't the following words (his words) the ideal mindset for a memoir?

I voice my uninvited opinion a lot, and say it like I see it, so I am disliked by a good majority of playsite.