You've probably heard by this point that the Canadian immigration website crashed as things took a fatal turn during tonight's election coverage. Pardon my inability to think of any jokes--it's just that our nation just voted against women, people of color, LGBTQ people, immigrants, the middle class, low income people, education, international relations, and literal fucking planet Earth. Anyway, here are six countries you should look into moving to that aren't the USA.

Croatia

Croatia is beautiful. Have you ever been to Croatia? It's beautiful. So much more beautiful and pure than the shitpile country we all belong to. It was also very affordable until the value of the American dollar tanked.


Germany

Germany's passport is the strongest in the world, and Berlin is a hotspot of culture, art, and nightlife. Too bad they probably won't take us since our president is a fascist war-mongerer.

Poland

Polish university tuition is way cheaper than tuition in the US. Also some Polish universities offer tuition discounts to Americans with Polish heritage. You could get a student visa.

Morocco

It looks nice. I've heard good things about Morocco.

Argentina

Argentina has incredible culinary culture, so you can eat all your feelings about your home country being taken over by a hateful demagogue.

Mexico

J FUCKING K. Like hell are they taking any of us after all that "build a wall" "Mexicans are rapists" bullshit from our sexual predator president.