Shocker. Who was named The Voice's third-season winner last night? Was it the guy with the helmet hair and the inability to recognize music made after the year 1986? Was it the bearded-up the soul revivalist who frequently seems like he wandered in from a different, more backwoods-set reality show? Or was it the cute young female singer with an established musical pedigree, a cross-genre appeal, and stunning Big Note capabilities? If Nicholas David or Terry McDermott had won, it would've been the biggest finals upset since the Dallas Mavericks beat the Miami Heat in 2011.

So yeah, Cassadee Pope took home the W at the Voice finale last night, ahead of T-Mc in second and Nichoals David in third. "I love you guys," Pope said to her runners-up before the results were revealed. "You're the weirdest, most amazing men I've ever met." (At least half of that is probably true.) The other two guys didn't go home empty-handed, though, as all the top three were awarded free cars, Oprah-style—Kias, in the only move less shocking than the show's final result.

Congratulations, Cassadee. If The Voice can't make a legit star out of you, maybe star-making just isn't their deal. That's cool, doesn't seem like their millions and millions of viewers care much about the contestants' post-show success. (The Voice returns in March, with Cee Lo and Christina Aguilera magically turning into Usher and Shakira in the interim.)