Guess what the charge for shitting in public is?
Littering! Offensive littering, more specifically. Ya know like, when you litter out of your ass.
If caught, the man who has been defecating all over Portland, Oregon stands to face a littering charge and an indecent exposure as well, as experts presume his buttocks were exposed when these heinous crimes were committed.
"It's rare that someone defecates without their buttocks exposed," says a source that I just made up.
The “Portland Pooper” has been leaving his mark "all over the southwest part of the city in the last few weeks.”
And it’s not just in Taco Bell parking lots…
"It's pretty weird because we've got a couple of schools and a park here," one local resident said. "There are a lot of families around here and this is not the kind of thing you want to see."
“I think it’s really gross and shocking,” another resident, Britni Smith told KOIN-TV.. “I don’t know what to say about it.”
“I find it interesting that he has toilet paper with him, it’s very pre-planned,” Catrina Salazar, who works at the local Phix Hair Studio, opined. “You just don’t really know what to expect around here. People, they like do their own thing, they kind of march to the beat of their own drum.”
Meanwhile, Sanchindra Nath, a gas station attendant claims he sees the pooper on the regular, pun intended.
"I think he's always over there in the bushes taking a dump and looking for pop cans," he said. "I mean, he's a creep though. He has to be to do something like that."
Creep, or Irritable Bowel sufferer?