Pat Robertson Vows The Gays Are Gonna Make You Like Anal & Bestiality—Time To Burst His Butt Sex Bubble

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Crazy old Pat Robertson is giving us a glimpse into his fertile, butt-sex filled mind once again.

The right wing Televangelist seems to spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about anal sex—and about what he imagines gay people do when they’re getting it on—and, drawing on his very vivid imagination, he has a warning for you, good people of America!

Uncle Pat wants you all to be on your guard folks, because, those gays are going to make you like both anal and oral sex!

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Whaaat?!!! Come on now, interior decorating shows perhaps, the odd show tune here and there, Lady Gaga, sure…. but anal and oral sex?!!! That’s just crazy talk Pat!

Not so, according to Robertson, who is also pretty damn confident the gays are gonna have you wanting to fuck your dog too in no time at all.

Makes perfect sense to us!

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The 85-year-old shared his dire predictions during a 700 Club broadcast back in April, while addressing the controversy over Memories Pizza, the Indiana homophobes who publicly vowed to refuse to cater to marrying same sex couples following the passing of the state’s Religious Freedom Restoration Act.

“It doesn’t matter what custom you’ve got, it doesn’t matter what holy thing you worship on the door, the gays are gonna get it,” Robertson warns.

“They’re gonna make you conform to them…. they’re gonna make you say, you like anal sex, you like oral sex, you like bestiality…you like anything you can think of… whatever it is….and sooner or later you’re going to have to conform your religious beliefs to the group of some abhorrent thing.”

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NOTE TO PAT: This may come as a huge shock and disappointment, but anal and oral sex ain’t things that just the gays like to do…. according to a CDC survey 44 percent of straight men report having anal sex at least once in their lives, and 36 percent of straight women do too.

Oh, and actually, sorry to further burst your butt sex bubble Robertson, but when it comes down to it, there are a bunch of gays out there who aren’t really all that keen on anal—a report by the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that despite popular perception, sex acts involving the anus were least common of all bedroom activities amongst gay and bisexual men age 18-87.

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But, let’s move on from the butt sex for one second, Robertson’s also got the welfare of the nation’s animals on his clearly totally fucked up mind…

“It wont stop at homosexuality,” he warns. “We’ve got what’s called polyamory, what about that? Well, what about POL-YG-AMY? Where you’ve got multiple wives… how can we say one is constitutional, the other’s not? And then as you say, what’s so terrible about having sex with animals? Well, that’s gonna come next…you watch it down the road, and Christians are going to be saying, ‘well you’re intolerant, you’re trying to mitigate against these nice people, who, like….like…. dogs….what’s wrong with you?”

Good point Pat!

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OK, well let’s round it all off with a nice bit of Muslim-phobia!

“Now, what’s wrong with somebody who wants ten wives?” Robertson asks. “Five wives…. four wives…what’s wrong with you? The Muslims have four wives…and the latest thing of course, we’ve known about it in the Koran, they don’t like fornication…they will stone people, they will kill them for fornicating….but at the same time, if a guy sees a woman and he’s not married, and he’s attracted to her, he will say ‘I want to get married to you’ and so they perform a quickkie ceremony, she becomes his wife, they perform sexual acts together, when its all finished he says, ‘I don’t think I really want to be married to you anymore’ and he says ‘I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you’ three times…and the marriage is terminated….no problem, no offense, no foul…

"That’s in the book! So they go off scot-free! Its a weird world we are living in, and ladies and gentlemen please know that your deeply held Christian beliefs are going to be under assault at every single phase of your life, and its going to get more intense… and it’s going to be more intense than Israel, so, just get ready for it…”

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You heard him America.. bend over, grab your ankles and brace yourselves…

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