Police officers in Michigan took a stray pig into custody last week, and held it in the back of a police car before reuniting it with its owner. Now, Pig sits down for an exclusive interview with Popdust.
Popdust: So what happened that day?
Pig: I was just sick and tired of living in a sty, eating nothing but corn and soybean meal, and just feeling like I wasn’t getting any respect, ya know? So I busted loose.
Popdust: Where were you going?
Pig: I don’t even know, man. I just had to get the hell out of dodge.
Popdust: So how did the police wind up getting involved?
Pig: It felt so good to be free, and I guess I got a little carried away. I wanted to raise some hell. (shakes his head) That’s when I saw this lady doing yard work and I just started chasing her yelling, “Woooo woo wooo.” She looked really freaked out.
Popdust: You must mean your neighbor, Debbie DeRiemaecker?
Pig: Right. So I’m chasing her, and then I see this decorative ball. Man, it was so cool. It had all these different colors and shit. I got so distracted, and that's when Debbie called the cops. They show up, tackle me, and throw me into the back of the squad car.
Popdust: Various reports suggest you were not happy about this?
Pig: Fucking pigs. I was so pissed, I was like, “fuck this.” I just let loose all over the back of the car.
Popdust: But then you had a watershed moment, something that changed your life in a very dramatic and profound way?
Pig: Yeah. I was laying cable all over the back seat, and I caught a glimpse of myself in the rear view mirror. I couldn’t believe what I saw.
Popdust: What did you see?
Pig: A pig! It was crazy! I never knew. Imagine the irony. Now it all made sense-the sty, the oats, why they’d never give me a membership at Equinox. I felt so stupid. It was like that episode of Chapelle Show when Clayton Bigsby, the blind leader of the KKK, discovers he’s black and his head explodes. I kinda felt like that.
Now, a happy Pig has been reunited with his owner Mr. Brian Davis, who said, "I just want to say thanks to the Shelby Township police for getting the pig and not writing me a ticket for having poop in the car."
Davis volunteered to clean the police car for the officers, the station reported.
Davis said he plans on bringing coffee and doughnuts to the officers who helped capture Pig.
Back at the sty, a contented Pig credits Caitlyn Jenner for helping him transition into acceptance. “It’s all about being who you are.”