Britney Spears and Demi Lovato are the latest impressionable female pop stars to be cooed into reality television by the gruff accent of Simon Cowell and a fat (or somewhat bulky) paycheck from FOX. Following the official announcement of The X Factor's newest judges, Cowell and his abundant chest hair expressed confidence in Britney-bot's abilities. "We're going to get close," he said of the show's 20 million viewer goal, adding that he's "not at all" worried about the 30-year-old who hasn't spent much time being natural—or coherent—in front of the cameras lately.

At $15 million, his (public) belief in the star power and eloquence of Spears is expected, and his uncomfortably low button-up (even for him) suggests a surprisingly casualness about the whole thing. But we're almost too distracted by the shrubbery protruding from his midsection to really understand him. Does it get hot? Make him itchy? With so much of the stuff, we're surprised there's even room for Britney and Demi at the judging table. But Cowell did manage to leave one element of surprise that stuck with us: "You'll have to wait and see." What it looks like when he gets a chest wax on live television? Oh wait, wrong network.