Humor

Could Sock Monkee out-funk Bruno Mars?

Sock Monkee v. Treadmill: We're taking bets

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There was almost nothing cool about the 70s. It was a time where you looked at a ring to tell you your mood, where you nerded out with pizza over D&D, and spent afternoons in the park with your pet rock, Rodney. Oh, and maybe on a Saturday night, you'd be sweating through your offensively metallic platform shoes and insanely gaudy fake silk shirt to "I Will Survive." (Will you survive the burning ray of disco ball shine in your eye? Will you survive the banana-peel fall on the sweat-slickened, light up, dance floor? WILL YOU SURVIVE?)

But, if we're being honest, there was only one good thing about the 70s: Bruno Mars.

Wait a minute, we know what you're going to say. "Bruno Mars wasn't born in the 70s, dingus!" Yes, friends, you're right. Bruno Mars wasn't born until 1985, another magical era where postage stamps were only 22 cents and "Don't You (Forget About Me)" was sweeping proms across the nation. But our point here, kids, is that Bruno Mars was largely inspired by the disco soul funk of the 70s, which is especially obvious in his hit with Mark Ronson, "Uptown Funk." Apparently, people still can't get over disco fever in the 21st century, because this video has over 2.3 billion views.

We dare you not to dance to this song, even if you're in the middle of a funeral, damnit. Its funkadelic beats also make it the perfect heart-pumping soundtrack for those that frequent the gym...if you're into that kind of thing.

And as you can imagine, since we're writers, we are not into that kind of thing. Instead, we prefer to watch other people attempt to work out and then laugh at them and then write about them. That was exactly the case when we found this.

Watch here.

How does one Sock Monkee capture everything we feel when we go to the gym in just 30 seconds? First of all, notice how Sock Monkee has all intents and purposes of getting a great workout. We applaud this little guy for even stepping up to take on the treadmill, the most monotonously dangerous of gym equipments, especially when he is obviously too small. Is there any gym attendant looking out for his safety? And what's with that guy at the end walking over the poor Monkee's body, just being a total douche? MONKEE LIVES MATTER. Help a friend out!

Anyway, Sock Monkee may never be the next Bruno Mars, but he may just inspire us to hit the gym this week. Or next week.

Stay tuned for more on Sock Monkee as we await his next ridiculous adventure!

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