The time is now for us to find dat big boi
Area 51 is old news.
Today, a new Facebook event has emerged—this one based in Scotland—entitled "Storm Loch Ness, Nessie cant hide from us all." As of July 24, over 60,000 people have RSVP'd to the event.
THEY'RE GONNA RAID THE LOCH NESS 😭😂 https://t.co/MwMIrLAhdJ— ᴋᴀɪ★ᴄᴄʜɪ//陈情令。 (@ᴋᴀɪ★ᴄᴄʜɪ//陈情令。) 1563818142.0
They're doing this in order to find Nessie, the legendary long-necked cryptid who supposedly inhabits a deep freshwater lake in the Scottish highlands.
Nessie, via CNN
Scotland's water safety organization, the RNLI, was not amused. It warned potential raiders that they are at risk of hypothermia and drowning if they actually go through with the plot to find Nessie.
The RNLI does not have the same resources as the US military, which essentially promised that any invaders of Area 51 would be shot. Instead, the Scottish water guardians relied on good old common sense, reminding the battalions of potential Loch Ness warriors that the Loch is very difficult to swim in and waves can reach up to 10 feet. "Our Atlantic 85 lifeboat has an impressive survivor carrying capacity, but even that will be stretched by the 'attendees' of this event," the organization said.
Still, the number of RSVPs is growing by the hour. In light of the success of the Area 51 and Loch Ness Facebook groups, the pressing question is: Why? Why do so many people claim to be going to conspiracy theory-related, potentially life-threatening events?
According to the all mighty, all knowledgeable, always correct Wikipedia, there are five types of conspiracy theories:
- "The "Enemy Outside" refers to theories based on figures alleged to be scheming against a community from without.
- The "Enemy Within" finds the conspirators lurking inside the nation, indistinguishable from ordinary citizens.
- The "Enemy Above" involves powerful people manipulating events for their own gain.
- The "Enemy Below" features the lower classes working to overturn the social order.
- The "Benevolent Conspiracies" are angelic forces that work behind the scenes to improve the world and help people."
Judging by that list, these raids could fit into the "Enemy Below" category, as perhaps the raids are subconscious uprisings against the horrific wealth of the super-rich.
Perhaps the millennial/Gen-Z death drive is to blame. Twitter certainly made the case for that during the Area 51 craze.
the air force put out a statement saying that if you go to area 51 you will most likely be killed. jokes on them. t… https://t.co/90r2kOko3t— 🥀 (@🥀) 1563299915.0
As the news about climate change grows worse and worse, these raiders are possibly seeking distraction from the reality of the state of the world. Or maybe it's the fact that since relatively few of us practice an organized religion, we're forced to seek communion with divine forces in occultism and conspiracy theories.
Really, though, it's hard to say. Are these raiders seeking God? Death? Revolution? Regression back to the days when Harry Potter was the hottest thing next to your new flip phone? Dadaist, performative absurdity as a medium through which this world might be comprehended? Alternative forms of community and love to combat the bleakness of the past and the unbearable darkness of the future? Time will tell. Or maybe it won't. For now, no mythical creature or military base is safe.
you nicknamed my daughter after the loch ness monster??— pita🏴 (@pita🏴) 1563865484.0
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