Way back when, in those ancient days of December when R. Kelly only had one album of retro music and when Soulacoaster was merely a ridiculous pun and not an endless fount of anecdotes, R. Kelly announced a theme cruise. He wasn't alone; in the grand scale of artist tie-ins, theme cruises rank somewhere around tenth perfumes and Vegas residencies. KISS had one. Skrillex had one. John Mayer had one. But did any of them have a 12 Play-themed basketball event? No. They did not. They couldn't.

So it pains us to report that the R. Kelly cruise is no longer happening, due to a dispute over how much (and/or whether) R. Kelly should get paid for his own event. The cruise company, Concerts Cruise LLC, says it'll refund distraught fans for their tickets--which could cost several thousand dollars--but nothing can be a substitute for the... let's call it an experience that the cruise would've been

Maybe you are among them. We can help! After listening to Love Letter and Write Me Back, we've come up with a list of ways to get over your disappointment.

1. Populate

2. Really? You needed more options?