Last week reflected a low point in the storied history of "The Voice" battle rounds. Will tonight be any better? Let's take a look at who got through tonight's battles.
First up is Christina Aguilera, putting single dad Josh Logan against wannabe-Latino Michael Lynch. Josh Logan very unconvincingly lies that he is a big fan of Ed Sheeran's as he enters the studio. Nice try, Josh. They're singing Maroon 5's "Harder to Breathe," and both dudes are really struggling in rehearsals. This song is geared so much more toward Josh's voice that it feels a little like bullying during the actual performance. The coaches all act like it was an incredble battle. Am I watching the same performances? Last week everyone lost their minds the in what was the snooziest snooze of an hour, and now they're drooling over this massacre of a performance. I call shenanigans. Christina, at least, has the sense to pick Josh. I'll miss Michael's irish-latin flave, but it would have been nonsense to keep him over Josh.
Cee Lo Green is pitting George Horga Jr, the Romanian immigrant versus high school genius Juhi. They are singing Gavin DeGraw's "Best I Ever Had" and Juhi is immediately all about showing off her "style," which is apparently code for squeaking. At the start of the battle, I surprisingly find myself digging Juhi's vocal. She's not over doing it with the weirdness, and she actually has a pretty cool voice. It also helps her that George misses a pretty significant note toward the top. We hit the bridge, and just when it seems clear that she's going to turn on the insufferable squeaky toy affectation, she manages to reign it in. It's still a little much for me, but it could have been a lot worse. In the grand scheme of teenagers adopting weird vocal ticks, this one offends me less than most. In a surprise twist, though, Cee Lo decides to choose the artist who is more committed, and keeps George. Aaand then Adam steals Juhi (which George excitedly celebrates from offstage, aw). Juhi may be trying a little hard, but something tells me she'll have legs in this competition. Smart steal from Adam.
YAY IT'S CHER'S TURN! I mean Blake's turn. Whatever. This round pits Brian Pounds, the former baseballer against Austin Jenckes, who dedicated his blind audition to his late father. They're singing "To Love Somebody." Blake may as well be ripping shots in the corner for as much good as he's doing in these coaching sessions. It's all about Cher and her no nonsense realness. Cher should run for office. Hilary and Cher! 2016! Who run the world? GIRLS! Oh right, the performance. Aw, guys! It's great! These two country boys are just adorable and charming and awesome. I think Austin might edge out Brian, but it's close. They're both technically incredible, but in terms of the x-factor, to borrow a term from a far inferior singing show, it's gotta be Austin. Blake agrees. Bye, Brian! You've got a perfect country singer name. You'll be fine.
Next up, it's the battle of the returning contestants, as Adam Levine puts James Irwin against Matt Cermanski. Ice cold, Adam. I dig it. They are going to be singing mentor Ryan Tedder's own "Counting Stars," and Mr. Tedder is earning that paycheck this week. I mean he's no Cher - let's not be ridiculous, but he definitely has more words of wisdom than we've heard from him before. The performance is cool. Maybe it's because these two have both been rejected by the show before, but this one really feels like a battle. There are definitely some problems from both sides, but the intensity that they both bring is weird and exciting and fun to watch. I feel like either one of these guys could move on, but it's James and his pretty eyes that win Adam over.
Next up we're back to Team Christina, with biker bar singer Destinee Quinn versus former model Lina Guadenzi. They're singing Dixie Chicks' "Not Ready To Make Nice," which is a song that makes me feel all the feels. Both the girls seem very nervous, and Christina does a really good of getting them out of their heads. And then, naturally, she pulls out a microphone from who knows where and literally sings the entire song because she's an addict and she can't help herself. I assume that Christina always has a wireless microphone tucked away in her pocket book, fully charged and always hot for just such an occassion. During the performance, Lina delivers a pretty incredible vocal performance, while Destinee makes quite a few technical missteps, but growls and capital-A Acts throughout. It's emotion versus talent, and Christina chooses emotion. Boo. Unwise choice, X-Tina! Thank goodness for Adam, who is not an idiot and steals the lovely Lina, who has a beautiful voice, and the unassuming charm that will hopefully translate to votes down the line.
The final battle of the night puts Team Adam's James Wolpert against Will Champlin. They're singing Imagine Dragons' Radioactive. It's hard to be invested in this battle, since the promos have already confirmed that whoever Adam doesn't choose is for sure getting stolen, but I'm rooting for James nonetheless. Will has ditched his distracting white glasses for this performance, but his neckerchief makes up the difference. James, meanwhile, is in a sweater and a tie and is all around ADORBZ. The two guys are very different vocally, but also pretty evenly matched as far as technical ability goes. Ultimately though, Adam chooses James, and Christina steals Will. Happy endings for all!
Tomorrow, the batthe rounds conclude!! It's all happening so fast! I'm not ready to say goodbye to Cher!
Stand Out Performance: There were some problems with Lina and Destinee's performance of "Not Ready To Make Nice," but it still gave me goosebumps, thanks to Lina's beautiful vocal.
Coach MVP: While I am tempted to give this to Cher again, I feel that I must reward Adam. The battles is usually the most exciting round, but this season the parirings have been seriously lacking. Big ups to Adam for picking songs and pairings that actually produced entertaining performances. Plus, his choice in winners, as well as his steals show that he hasn't forgotten that strategy in the early rounds is key.