Joan Rivers may have left us, but her wonderful sense of humor will live on forever.

The best thing by FAR about Joan was her refusal to acknowledge there was anything or anyone off-limits when it came to her jokes and zingers. This made her absolutely terrifying to the overly-pampered celebrity elite, and it gave us all a giggle to see them squirm.

Here are some of Joan's most quotable quotes - A-Listers, beware!

"I’ve worked with Angelina Jolie. She saw a sign that said "WET FLOOR" one time, and she did."

"Madonna is so hairy. When she lifted her arm, I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit."

"Bo Derek is so stupid she returns bowling balls because they've got holes in them."

"I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 proof."

"If I found Yoko Ono floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog."

"Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress."

"Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her."

"As a Jew, I don't want to see Mel Gibson at a party. I don't want to run into him in the kitchen because there’s an oven in it and I’m afraid of what he might do."

"I met Adele! What's her song, Rolling In The Deep? She should add 'fried chicken'."

"The whole Michael Jackson thing was my fault. I told him to date only 28-year-olds. Who knew he would find 20 of them?"

"Joan Collins lies about her age so much we should have her body carbon-dated."

"Marie Osmond is so pure, not even Moses could even part her knees."

"Melanie Griffith is very sweet but dumb - the lights are on but the dogs aren't barking."

"All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window."

"Camilla Parker-Bowles is so ugly that at airports they make her frisk herself."

"Katie Holmes is not a very good actress. Did you see her try and play John F. Kennedy's wife? She was so bad he shot himself in it."

"You want to get Cindy Crawford confused? Ask her to spell 'mom' backwards."

"At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents."

"If Kate Winslet had dropped a few pounds, the Titanic would never have sunk."

"Elizabeth Taylor’s so fat, she puts mayonnaise on her aspirins."

"When I saw her sex tape, all I could think of were Paris Hilton's poor parents. The shame, the shame of the Hilton family. To have your daughter do a porno film... in a Marriott hotel!"

"Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines."

On Heidi Klum: “The last time a German looked this hot was when they were pushing Jews into the ovens.”

And because she was just as brutal about herself, here are Joan's best quotes on Joan:

"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."

"My husband killed himself. And it was my fault. We were making love and I took the bag off my head."

"I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware."

Oh Joan - we will miss you!

Things are certainly looking up for Lindsay Lohan.

Hot on the heels of the announcement that she will make her London stage debut in a production of David Mamet’s play Speed-The-Plow, she has walked away with a prestigious award.

Despite dismal reviews for her performances in The Canyons and the TV biopic about Elizabeth Taylor, Liz & Dick, the Ischia Film Festival in Italy has given her the Biggest Comeback Award.

The 28-year-old was given the prestigious honor in recognition of her return to acting.

Crash director Paul Haggis gave Lindsay the award on Tuesday. In her acceptance speech the actress said she looked forward to working with the Oscar-winner one day.

It’s welcome news for the Mean Girls star who has faced rumors she has allegedly been skipping rehearsals for her upcoming play.

Star magazine is reporting that “the cast is already really annoyed” and that the director has allegedly given her a warning.

In more ridiculous breaking news and fabricated nonsense re Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's upcoming wedding, reports divulge that the gruesome twosome will be hosting a tour at the Palace of Versailles after a brunch at Valentino's 'splendid chateau'.

The brunch will be hosted by Andre Leon Talley, Vogue's very own mash-up of Kim and Kanye for the last fifty years at least. Talley will be covering this imaginary event for US Vogue.

Then, if you're still awake, the giddy unwed parents will hand out special cellphones to their guests, containing the secret details about the nuptials. Guests will even be assigned their own security guards.

Here's the one glitch. Kimye are not Liz and Dick, no matter how delusional they are. They can't be showbiz royalty because they aren't beloved, and they haven't accomplished anything of any importance.

It's a sign of our culture's death rattle that we are paying so much attention to them, but not a measure of anything else. Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton can continue to rest in peace.

What do you think about all this Kimye commotion? Vote and have your say!




Actress Elizabeth Taylor, who died today at the age of 79, had many connections to popular music—anyone who came of age in the 1950s will quickly recall her scandalous affair with and subsequent marriage to singer Eddie Fisher. But for those of us who grew up in the MTV era, Taylor may be best known not as a great movie star, but as the longtime friend and staunch supporter of fellow pop-culture immortal Michael Jackson. Both one-time child stars who lived virtually their entire lives in the public eye, the two shared a love of classic Hollywood, and a feeling that their youths had been unfairly stolen from them. The pair met after Taylor had left early from a Jackson concert at Los Angeles's Dodgers Stadium in the mid '80s. A distraught Jackson called Taylor to find out why she hadn't remained until the end of the show. She explained that her departure was due to poor visibility and not displeasure with the performance, and the two went on to talk for hours.

The talk began a decades-long bond between the pair that encompassed birthday tributes (Jackson sang "Elizabeth, I l Love You" at her 65th birthday gala), nicknames (Taylor publicly pronounced Jackson "The King of Pop" at the '89 Soul Train awards) and even personal shrines (Jackson supposedly had a room devoted to a 24-hour rotation of Taylor's movies at Neverland Ranch). When Jackson was faced with his first round of child-molestation charges in 1993, Taylor flew to Singapore in ill health to to meet with and support her friend. ("Thank God for Elizabeth Taylor," Jackson said later. "She protected me.") After Jackson's death two years ago, Taylor was grief-stricken, saying she was "too devastated to talk" upon hearing the news. “My life feels so empty," Taylor eventually said. "I don’t think anyone knew how much we loved each other.”

Below, Jackson and Taylor together, as well as some of their famous friends.