From week to week, we’ll be critiquing the Glee players in each episode through a highly qualified, totally partial and uber judgmental lens, providing you with the necessary knowledge about who’s a total waste of time, who it’s OK to Google into the wee hours of the morning, and most importantly, who is totally deserving of the infinite attention and praise he or she receives on a regular basis. Once they’ve been dealt the dreaded Popdust Loser crown, we’re done with them forever, or at least until next season. In Lima, Ohio some people are more expendable than others. It’s Popdust’s duty to separate the entertaining from the nauseating. Welcome to Glee: Who is The Biggest Loser?

Glee is back! And with it comes some covers of song you may or may not already be sick of, questionable baby storylines and stinging pop culture-related one-liners from McKinley's baddest, hottest, messiest bitch, Santana Lopez. Last night's "Pot O' Gold" didn't prove to exactly be worth the lengthy wait, which was either made a little better or much, much worse, depending on who you were rooting for in the World Series. Once again the glee club faced annihilation from an especially curmudgeonly Sue Sylvester, who has moved on to spit-balling her trademark insults at glee club parents–luckily Burt Hummel actually has the cajones to go toe-to-toe with Lima's biggest bully, bum heart and all. Ohio is also apparently a prime locale for Irish exchange students, and Rory Flanagan (The Glee Project's Damian McGinty) plays up being green in his new surroundings by pretending to be a leprechaun frolicking through the marshmallow world of Brittany S. Pierce.

Last night gave us a surprising look at supportive parents, a great departure from those guardians who either set unrealistic expectations for their children or served discouraging insults with their dinner, and a reminder that not everyone outside of the choir room believes that mullet-sporting hockey players have a right to incorporate slushies and locker beatings into the school's orientation program. But does being new automatically put one on the defensive? Read on for our breakdown of those who rose to various challenges and those who strung together something more ridiculous than any good reality show could ever serve up.

For those who we want to see do it all again, click NEXT.

OUTSTANDING, ENJOYABLE, CAN DO NO WRONG

BURT: "Glee club saved my kids' life," was a bit dramatic, but probably true. But Mr. Hummel is not only out to support his son by signing a few checks that also work to boost his own auto shop sales, while funding Kurt's pit stop on the way to NYADA, he's willing to launch a Congressional campaign with a platform that fights to keep arts in schools across the state. And with his blue collar, baboon heart and all, he's not afraid to go head-to-head with Sue Sylvester. Your food, clothing and hair-related insults mean nothing to him, Sue. Time to start the Emmy campaign up again; we love this man.

FINN: Gumby finally awoke from his silly stupor to realize that glee club Means Something to him. And since he was always the self-appointed leader of the group, even with the questionable voice and bad dance moves, it's his job to fix things, remember? After checking up on the status of potential defectors, he ultimately acted like the bigger person (in more ways than one) and apologized to New Directions' departing divas, for both losing his temper and calling Brittany the dreaded "I" word.

PUCK: The local entrepreneur continued his pool cleaning business, thanks to some timely climate change troubles which allows him more time to appreciate the toned bodies of local cougars. He reluctantly adhered to Quinn's bizarre, maniacal Plan Get Baby Beth Back before quickly removing the planted hot sauce in Shelby's home. Yes, the final moments of the show were a little ridiculous: Shelby and Puckerman kiss—leaving only Tina, Emma, Coach Sylvester & Coach Beiste (?) as females he has not at one point gone after—but we can't help but sort of like it? Shelby's already been given the Big L from us, so we can't judge her for going all Mary Kay Letourneau on McKinley's resident mohawk sporter. Plus, there's no way The Puckerman is under 18.

BLAINE: Trying to use the foolproof Dalton Warbler tactics to keep the group morale up didn't resonate with every New Directions member. And although he's in a new school, he didn't stoop to Finn's level after his dig, but realized that the true way to win people over is by revisiting a Katy Perry son. His real life alter ego knows something about that, too.

For those who made the best with what color they were given in life, click NEXT.

GOOD…ENOUGH

KURT: We should have known Kurt would be the first to buy up the entire contents of the Banana Republic Mad Men collection when it first hit the racks. His dedication to raise extra funding for glee club and the musical probably have something to do with bulking up his application resume and presidential platform, but we love that he wasn't afraid to go to his dad for help, and not simply ask him to foot the bill entirely.


TINA: Tougher than a hangnail, she sheds tears for the original members of glee club. At least she remembers she's been there since day one!

ARTIE: Wheels is not willing to compromise his artistic integrity as musical director, even if it means losing one of New Directions' best members. That conviction might cost him a few friends, too blinded by the current week's disaster to look at the Bigger Picture, but it will help to formulate his ideals and beliefs once he leaves Lima.

MIKE CHANG: Always the first to jump up and dance when anyone needs help performing an emotional song filled with double entendres about the state of the glee club, plus The Other Asian is nice to look at.

MERCEDES: Planting the seed of jumping ship to join The Troubletones in the Santana's head was a bit devious, but recruiting has to start somewhere. Consider it preparation when different labels and agents both propose meetings begging her to sign them, which will obviously be set to the sounds of Janet Jackson.

RACHEL: Sure, a couple of defections from New Directions were not what "Maria" had envisioned for her senior year, but she kept the freakoutery in check and even managed to get a smile from Kurt after twisting a knife in his back two or three times over. But hold tight, cynics. The year has just begun!

WILL: For all his huffing and puffing about Booty Camp and taking glee club seriously this year, Mr. Schuester sure was enjoying "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)." A little too much, maybe? Aww, because even mop heads need to let off a little steam every now and then. And we know he's certainly not getting any tension release at home.


BRITTANY: Obviously ordering shrimp constitutes a date, and obviously Free Beer is a superior name for an all-girl group. We appreciated her deep concern for her presidential campaign and determination not to be seen as a quitter, and while we feel equally sad about her leaving New Directions as we do at the fact that she is not fazed by eating what she thinks are pieces of her cat's crispy candy bar-like feces, watching her stand up for herself is evidence that she's more of a Rain Man than one might think. Now if only she could do that to Santana.

SUGAR MOTTA: That's right, when blessed with the presence of Santana Lopez, you shut up, curtsey and make your way to the back of the stage.

For those who inspired a giant pounding in our heads, click NEXT.

FRUSTRATING, ANNOYING, JUST BAD

RORY: We understand being met with a rounding chorus of culturally insensitive hallway insults and interrogations about the quality of U2 music is no fun, but McKinley's exchange student all too willingly threw out borrowed American ideals for Lima's version of Victoria's Secret models and his overwhelming desire to get into her pot of gold. Once he caught on to the power of Brittany's child-like interest in him, he used it to his advantage and somewhat disastrous effects for the friends he was so hoping to make. He's sightly hard to understand while speaking, but we swooned while watching his solo serenade of "It's Not Easy Being Green," reminiscent of Artie's past hallway numbers like "Dancing With Myself" and "Never Going Back Again."

DOWNRIGHT DESPICABLE

SUE: Stop killing the arts. Just stop. You had a lot of good insults this episode, and probably found some new fans in your vow to go after Tom Bergeron, but you're becoming so one-note it's boring. We're actually more concerned with the bubbling inter-school rivalry than the chances that glee club will no longer exist at all. Because that's not happening.

SANTANA: McKinley's bad, hot, messy bitch was more looking to direct Brittany in the direction she wanted her to go to in rather than just help her cross the street. She's manipulated her way into Brittany's heart, pants and extracurricular activities before, most recently causing the demise of her relationship with Artie. And now, even though she wants the stardom and spotlight that's promised to come with The Troubletones, she still needs Brittany to go with her. Her feelings for her are sweet but somewhat tainted given her consistent willingness to take advantage of Brittany's unicorn-like qualities.

QUINN: The ex-skank continued to bide her time in glee club while reading up on bad parenting cases and planting weird objects in Shelby's home. She's also willing to implicate poor, dumb Puck with Plan Get Baby Beth Back scheme but not willing to accept the potential in his burgeoning pool cleaning business. Because she's a perfectionist with a truck load of issues, aren't these the kind of struggles that need to be dealt with within herself instead of taken out on others?

For the character that should be cut from the Glee budget more than any other extracurricular, click NEXT.

AND THE BIGGEST GLEE LOSER IS…

PRINCIPAL FIGGINS: McKinley's resident pushover was stuck between "a rock and a difficult yet equally hard rock," but we'd be more understanding if he simply applied any additional budget money to some school security. Do they let anyone in parking lots these days? We're really tired of hearing "my hands are tied, Schue" and really can't believe he's even let Sue stick around after that fake sex scandal in season one. You're an insult to your profession, sir.

Have a different opinion about last night’s events? Can Burt really take on The Sylvester in the polls? Does Blaine's version of "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)" put you in a better mood? Is Rory a good fit with New Directions? Let us know who you think is the biggest Glee loser, in the comments.