Prepare Yourself for the War on Thanksgiving

Unsheathe your corn cobs and load your potato guns, because the War on Thanksgiving is nigh.

FOX News

As you mash you potatoes and baste your turkeys, you might not have realized that a war is raging right outside your kitchen window–the War on Thanksgiving.

According to Donald Trump and the geniuses at FOX News, someone somewhere maybe wants to change the name of Thanksgiving (but probably not), and that means it's time to rile up our dumbest, most frothing countrymen.

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Yes, the War on Thanksgiving, much like The War on Christmas, is upon us, and Twitter is reacting in turn.

Be careful leaving your homes, as gangs of radical liberals are roaming the streets, attacking anyone who so much as thinks about turkey.

Many brave Thanksgiving warriors are even writing letters to their loved ones as they traverse the mashed, war-torn terrain splattered in gravy.

Their heartbreaking words paint a picture of what life is like on the battlefront.

From the sounds of it, Walmart parking lots have become particularly brutal.

And with war, comes acceptance of impending death.

But not everyone finds the War on Thanksgiving to be such an easy topic of discussion, especially those still mourning the loss of their brave Thanksgiving compatriots.

News of horrifying Thanksgiving weapons have been emerging from the battlefront, too, with sightings of massive flying turkeys.

But let's get real for a second.

After all, Thanksgiving shouldn't be about war or discontent or whether or not the president of the United States is a racist. This Thanksgiving, let's all try to remember that Thanksgiving is really about the genocide of indigenous people, and how most Americans are pretty much just cool with that. Happy Thanksgiving!