Witness a forbidden love played out in the public comment section of a Facebook profile picture.
Who could have ever guessed that the greatest love story of the Boomer generation would play out in the comment section of a public Facebook profile picture?
Now shared over 19,000 times, the viral romance of Bill and Linda plays out like a modern, boomer take on Romeo and Juliet.
It all started nearly two years ago, when Bill––just a regular, horned up, single Boomer from Wisconsin––changed his public Facebook profile picture to WWE superstar Roman Reigns.
The image laid dormant for over a year, "liked" only by some lady named Lindsay, some dude named Matt, and also Bill's Mom.
Then, three months ago, Linda flowed into Bill's life like a stream of syrup sloshing onto a pancake at Waffle House. How did she find Bill's profile? Did she think he was actually Roman Reigns? Whatever the reason, love works in mysterious ways. Linda responded to the picture with a robot thumbs up. Then she asked Bill if he had "hangouts" and wanted to go there to talk.
Bill responded, "Bars," presumably because he thought Linda was asking him where he liked to hang out. This brief interaction was enough for Bill to realize he loved Linda, which he expressed with two "I Love You" emojis. Linda asked if he really did.
"Yeah baby," said Bill.
Linda accepted Bill's feelings. In fact, she loved Bill too. But fate had a twist in store. Linda was married. Bill asked her outright about this hitch in their plans. Linda admitted she was married, but not happy.
"...he's mental and calls me names and s**t baby," Linda explained.
Bill suggested that she move to his hometown of Oshkosh, Wisconsin, but Linda told him that she didn't drive. This really turned Bill on for some reason.
"Oh s**t I am getting a hard-on," Bill said.
Linda liked this. Bill continued to talk about his "hard-on" and then suggested that Linda should get a divorce. Linda agreed, so Bill wanted to talk dirty.
Linda agreed to talk dirty in "hangouts" but quickly decided that this public Facebook profile picture comment section would be just as fine a venue. And so they did.
"Want to suck your big d**k," said Linda.
"I'll f**k ur t*ts, a** p***y and mouth," replied Bill, so excited that he forgot to continue using punctuation.
Their romance took a sad turn when Bill mentioned that he wanted to impregnate Linda.
"I have sad news about that," said Linda. "I can't have baby's [sic]."
Bill took the news well enough.
"I wanna f**k ur breasts," he replied, before suggesting they exchange pictures.
So Linda did.
"Okay get ready for my t*ts," said Linda in, again, the comments section of a Facebook profile picture open to the public. Then she posted a naked selfie.
But after a lot more sex talkin', Linda seemed to have some doubts about Bill's true intentions.
"Is sex all you want me for?" she asked.
"No," assured Bill. "I wanna get to know you better."
But Bill was lying. He admitted this a few comments later: "And I kind of lied about getting to know you better. I just want sex from you and only you."
Linda remained undeterred. Their love was too strong. This made Bill very excited.
Bill repeatedly asking Linda if she wanted any of his expulsions really seemed to make her yearn for their future together.
"I fell [sic] like I am in a dream that you're not real," she said.
"Me too," replied Bill.
But then, a seed of doubt sprouted in Linda's brain.
"Your [sic] not playing me are you?" she asked.
"I'm not playing u babe," promised Bill.
It was too late. The doubt had festered. Linda wanted to know if Bill was talking to other women. Bill admitted he was, but they were only friends "at this time."
Luckily, Linda accepted Bill's explanation, and together, the couple weathered the storms of jealousy.
Linda wanted to know why Bill wanted her.
"Cause it so sexy," Bill told her.
"What so sexy?" asked Linda, not understanding.
Bill responded with an emoji of a confused referee for some reason.
Finally, the wait was too much to bear. Linda yearned for Bill's big Boomer arms.
"Well come get me," she begged.
"Hurry up with the divorce please," Bill insisted. "As long as you are married no sorry about that."
Sticking to his guns, Bill proceeded to ask if Linda wore a thong. Linda did not, but clarified that she would be willing to.
But true to Romeo and Juliet, fate is never kind to star-crossed lovers. And so Bill and Linda met their bitter enemy in the form of Bill's relative, Sharon.
"Do you realize that all your conversations are public?" commented Sharon. "Everybody is reading them as you type them grow up both of you."
Bill suggested that they move things to Linda's profile, which was also public. Linda said she couldn't get into her account, even though she was already commenting from it.
Linda professed her undying love, sending Bill a kiss emoji. But it was too late.
"I was playing u," said Bill.
"What," said Linda.
Thus concluded the forbidden love of Bill and Linda, the greatest Boomer romance of all time.
Linda pining after Bill instead of her husband.
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The quarterback said "I will never agree with anybody disrespecting the flag of the United States of America or our country." And then he tried to apologize. And only made it worse.
Drew Brees, a man who makes literally millions of dollars for throwing a ball, has come under fire for insensitive comments he made about NFL players kneeling during the National Anthem to protest police brutality.
"I will never agree with anybody disrespecting the flag of the United States of America or our country," Brees said in the interview with Yahoo Finance. He clarified that this was in part because he envisioned his grandfathers, who fought in World War II, during the National Anthem. He continued, saying, "And is everything right with our country right now? No. It's not. We still have a long way to go. But I think what you do by standing there and showing respect to the flag with your hand over your heart, is it shows unity. It shows that we are all in this together. We can all do better. And that we are all part of the solution."
This isn't the first time Brees made it clear that he cares more for the idea of a make-believe unified America than he does for actual human lives. In 2016, he criticized Colin Kaepernick for kneeling during the anthem, saying it was "disrespectful to the American flag" and "an oxymoron" because the flag gave critics the right to speak out in the first place.
Colin Kaepernick kneeling in protest of racist police brutality
Of course, the flag's alleged ideals have been proven to only be applicable to wealthy, white men—men like Brees. Sure, his grandfathers did a noble thing when they fought under the US flag during WWII, and no one, including Kaepernick, has ever said that sacrifice isn't worth respecting. Thanks to the sacrifices of many people (including the enslaved Black backs upon which this country was built, including the scores of routinely abused Black soldiers who fought for American lives), America has offered opportunity and peace for many, many people. In particular, Ole' Glory has been very kind to men like Brees: rich, white men who still control the majority of the power and the wealth in the United States.
But what about the rest of us, Drew? What about George Floyd whose neck was crushed by a police officer who kneeled on him so casually that he didn't even take his hand out of his pocket? What about Ahmaud Arbery, who was shot for the crime of being Black and going for a jog? What about Breonna Taylor, a black woman who was murdered by police in her home in the middle of the night for a crime that had nothing to do with her? What about Tony McDade, Drew–have you heard his name? Have you heard about the 38-year-old Black trans man who was gunned down in Florida last week? Do you understand why these people's family's may harbor just a bit of disrespect for your precious flag?
Is it possible for you to realize, Drew, that your wish for "unity" is not a wish for progress, but a wish to maintain the status quo? When you call for unity under the American flag, you're talking about your flag, the flag that represents a long, sordid history of racial oppression and violence. There is no unity where there is no justice. When you say that "we are all in this together," what you're saying is that we all have roles to play in the version of society that has served you so well. For your part, you'll be a rich, white man, and for Black people's part, they'll continue to be victims of state-sanctioned murders– but hopefully more quietly, hopefully in a manner that doesn't make you uncomfortable?
When you say, "We can all do better. And that we are all part of the solution," what you mean to say is that POC and their allies are at fault. Sure, you probably agree that Derek Chauvin took it a bit too far, and you probably feel a little self-conscious that he's brought all this "Black rights" stuff up again. But when you say "all," you place blame on the victims who are dying under a broken system. And what, exactly, do you expect POC to do differently, Drew? Ahmaud Arbery was just out jogging, and still he died. George Floyd was just trying to pay a cashier, and still he died. POC and their allies try to peacefully protest by marching in the streets or taking a knee at a football game, and still white people condemn and criticize. Still the police shoot.
After much criticism, Brees did attempt an apology on Instagram, where he posted a hilariously corny stock photo of a Black and white hand clasped together. His caption, though possibly well-intentioned, made it even clearer that his understanding of the movement for Black lives is thoroughly lacking.
Highlights of the "apology" include his immediate attempt to exonerate himself from culpability, claiming that his words were misconstrued, saying of his previous statement: "Those words have become divisive and hurtful and have misled people into believing that somehow I am an enemy. This could not be further from the truth, and is not an accurate reflection of my heart or my character." Unfortunately, Drew, white people like you are the "enemy," as you put it, because by default you are at the very least part of the problem. No one is accusing you of being an overt racist, Drew; no one thinks you actively and consciously detest Black people. But your lack of empathy, your apathy, and your unwillingness to unlearn your own biases are precisely what has persisted in the hearts and minds of well-meaning white Americans for centuries.
Next, you say, "I recognize that I am part of the solution and can be a leader for the Black community in this movement." No, Drew. Just no. Black people don't need white people's savior complexes to interfere in their organizing; what they need is for us to shut up and listen. What they need is for us to get our knees off of their necks.
Finally, you say, "I have ALWAYS been an ally, never an enemy." This, Drew, is suspiciously similar to saying, "But I'm one of the good whites!" The fact of the matter is that feeling the need to prove your allyship is not about helping a movement; it's about feeding your own ego. Not only that, but your emphasis on "ALWAYS" does a pretty good job of making it clear that you don't think you have a racist bone in your body and that you have taken great offense at any accusations to the contrary. I have some news for you, Drew: Every white person is racist. Sure, the levels vary, and while you may not be actively and consciously discriminating against POC, you have been brought up in a racist system, and your implicit biases are as strong as any other white person's. Your job now is to unlearn those biases and confront those subtle prejudices in yourself and in other white people. Maybe the first step in doing so is just shutting your f*cking mouth about kneeling at football games. Maybe you should even consider taking a knee yourself.
For other non-BIPOC trying to be better allies, check out one of these 68+ anti-racism resources.
We're glad they're on our side.
The world is up against a seemingly insurmountable threat, but luckily, we've got a crack team of heroes on the case.
Sure, there's already the girl with super strength, the guy who can fly, and the anthropomorphic, trash-talking animal tailor-made for merchandise. But this is a threat of intergalactic proportions, and we're going to need all the help we can get if we want to survive.
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