The Singles Bar: Lemonade Mouth, "Somebody"

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John Hughes, eat your heart out. The Disney Channel's upcoming original flick Lemonade Mouth is about five teen misfits who meet in detention and bond to help themselves triumph over the pressures of high-school society and their personal lives. But they don't need no damn Simple Minds to help soundtrack their triumphs--they'll write their own montage jams, thank you very much, one of which recently leaked in advance of the movie's April 15 debut.

It's hardly surprising that Disney's conception of the high school lunatic fringe would be mildly watered down for pre-teen consumption, but if there are any signifiers of non-mainstream taste to be found here, we must be missing them. It's bad enough that the five kids are so blandly good looking that they make the Breakfast Club bunch look like a Renaissance fair carpool, but the song is so detail-vague and unexceptional that you wouldn't be surprised to see it end up as the coronation single for this year's Idol winner.

The video features the band rocking out at a house party, but none of the instruments played at the party appear to have any correspondence whatsoever with the actual music contained in the song--and really, if this song was played at some poor kid's house party (and how many teenage house parties actually feature live bands, anyway? In the living room? Won't Mom be pissed?) it would suck so much of the energy out of the room that there'd be nothing left to do but break out the Junior Disney Monopoly set. And even that might be too much excitement.

The song's not that bad--it's professionally mediocre at the very least--but it's hard to not wish that Disney had used this chance to at least attempt to humor the teenage-outsider contingent. C'mon, throw a guitar solo in there that isn't nearly as rocking as the guy playing it thinks it is! Turn the bridge into a chance for one character to perform an awkward-but-not rap! Give the bassist a couple of piercings and a blue streak! Something to demonstrate at least token awareness of high-school misfitdom extending beyond the slightly goofier Jonas Brother.