For those aged 10 and up, there's not a great deal to be gleaned from listening to the ultra-successful Kidz Bop compilation series. Facsimile covers of songs you've already heard a million times anyway, performed by studio musicians with the goal of being as close to the originals as possible—minus the fact that it's a bunch of kids singing on the tracks—it's just about the least-rewarding listening experience you can have in pop music.
With one exception: It's always hilarious to see how they edit certain adult-content sections of song lyrics. It almost becomes suspenseful, as you approach a section in a Kidz Bop version in which you know the original version says a dirty word or suggests something sexual or violent, and you wonder "Man, how are they gonna get outta this one?" The answer is almost always a rather satisfying one, one which often either totally changes the meaning of the original lyric or just...doesn't really make much sense.
Kidz Bop 22, released yesterday and taking on most of the megahits that you would expect, is no exception to this. Here are our ten favorite lyrical edits, guaranteed to shield your favorite child from the brutal realities of the Top 40 in 2012:
10. "Now and then I think of all the times you passed me over."
Song: Gotye feat. Kimbra's "Somebody That I Used to Know"
Original Lyric: "Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over."
Analysis: Kid-Kimbra sounds more like she's singing to the Angel of Death, rather than a spurned lover.
9. "Oh but that one day / Was more than OK"
Song: Train's "Drive By"
Original Lyric: "Oh but that one night / Was more than just right"
Analysis: Dirty stuff can happen during the day too, guys. Just ask the Starland Vocal Band.
8. "Get Yourself Back Home" (Title)
Song: Gym Class Heroes feat. Neon Hitch's "Ass Back Home"
Original Lyric: "Get your ass back home."
7. "It was dark and I was over / Until you held my hand and you saved me"
Song: Adele's "Set Fire to the Rain"
Original Lyric: "It was dark and I was over / Until you kissed my lips and you saved me"
Analysis: Kissing on the lips is too adult? Haven't these kids been to visit Grandma before? Nothing new there after that.
6. "I love to dance next to you baby."
Song: Jennifer Lopez feat. Pitbull's "Dance Tonight"
Original Lyric: "I love to make love to you baby."
Analysis: What does dancing next to someone even mean? Dancing adjacent to them? Do you have to ask permission for that?
5. "Now we're dancing in the moonlight / Knock me down like I'm a domino."
Song: Jessie J's "Domino"
Original Lyric: "Dirty dancing in the moonlight / Take me down like I'm a domino."
Analysis: In what way is "Knock me down" less scandalous than "Take me down"? Maybe a little less oral sex-y, but way more domestic-abuse-y. Maybe best to just avoid this song altogether.
4. "If I took you out, it would be such fun."
Song: Flo Rida feat. Sia's "Wild Ones"
Original Lyric: "If I took you home, it'd be a home run."
Analysis: "Home run" is a little too euphemistic, huh? These kids might not be ready for such a Wild One after all.
3. "I beg and borrow and feel."
Song: Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe"
Original Lyric: "I beg and borrow and steal"
Analysis: It's true—let the young'ns know that Carly Rae Jepsen openly endroses thievery, and next thing you know, they're shoplifting Tic-Tacs and popping olives in the supermarket buffet lines. Can't take those chances.
2. "Hand you another dance / Dance it if you can."
Song: The Wanted's "Glad You Came."
Original Lyric: "Hand you another drink / Drink it if you can."
Analysis: Sorry, The Wanted, got our hands full at the moment. Can you just stick that dance in our pocket, instead? Thanks.
1. "We're Kidz Bop and we're taking over!"
Song: Nicki Minaj's "Starships"
Original Lyric: "Higher than a motherfucker!"
Analysis: Bravo, Kidz Bop. Bravo.