The X Factor took us to the land of dance classics last night, a wondrous fantasyland where "Someone Like You" is our era's premier dance banger and where contestants can sing Chaka Khan without fading into smoke and thin notes and the shadow of the greats. They were next supposed to take us into the land of the Pepsi Challenge, a fantasyland of which the world has no details thanks to BIG CRISES.

Fortunately for X Factor watchers--not to mention people like us who write about it--that crisis didn't preclude anyone from singing, although it did keep them pretty ensconced in standards. That doesn't mean we won't have words for it, as well as everyone else on the show. Read on to see how the top 5 fare as the finals loom close!

For DJs, big-shots and people who boo and sing, click NEXT.

For our top two and top judge, click NEXT.

3.Paula Abdul: Coasted through the episode solely on Paulacharm, but she jumped about eight spots after saying this in response to the Josh Krajcik male-Adele-who-needs-no-props-(but a 4/4-beat) bull: "I want to be your campaign manager, Josh! This is like a presidential election." She's more observant than anyone credits her for, and we shouldn't have to keep saying that.

2.Marcus Canty: Is now a “two-time champion,” on the strength of not being eliminated two times. Good one, L.A. Right up there with Krajcik Magic and Nicole saying he’s “earned [his] spot to be here today”. Improbably, though, Marcus has a shot at not being a three-time champion, thanks to a pretty good Leon Russell performance--nothing to awe at, but nothing to snipe at either--and a performance of “Ain’t Nobody” that reminded me of Ne-Yo as much for swagger as for his cocked fedora.

1.Melanie Amaro: It’s a testament to Melanie’s talent that she can get through both a bosh remix of “Someone Like You” and a diva number with Whitney and Mariah and still sound near-flawless (you could quibble about her vibrato on the former, but your quibble would be misplaced.) She’s still probably going to win this competition.